Tearing At The Seams

Everything in my life, it seems, is falling apart.

Even the genuine pirated-looking Levis' bag I got in Bangkok just barely a month ago. The plastic strap hook gave way as I jumped from the low grill fence while jaywalking across the road from Yusof Ishak House yesterday.

And then there are the Giordano bermudas from quite long ago. Both of them are starting to tear. I could mend them, but I do not really see the point. What if they tear while I am wearing them in school?

And I am dreading the day I need to be wearing formal black shoes. I have not replaced them since tearing my old trusty Hush Puppies on my second day of work at SPH a few months ago.

A few months ago, I would have been rejoicing because it means opportunities for retail therapy. But with my dad losing his job for the third time in two years, I will just have to make do - which basically means I have to start wearing my smart-casual stuff I bought for my internship a few months back.

I am not engaging in any form of self pity here. Neither am I blaming my parents for this situation I am in. Get this right - I volunteered to have my monthly allowance cut to $400. I intend to push it down further progressively.

But I finally realised the reality of what people mean when they say it's always easier to upgrade than to downgrade your lifestyle.

I am trying to go back to living on $5 a day which was possible when I was back in lower secondary, but so difficult right now. On Sunday, I had to think and rethink so many times before I decided that I should join the cell boys for lunch at KFC.

And Saturdays are usually spent at home studying now. Maybe I should start utilising the free swimming pool in school now a bit more.

I think twice about going to town now, but I think I may be forced to look for new bermudas some time soon. It is just getting too humid and hot to wear long pants to school everyday.

And I know with my current mental state, a part-time job either as a tutor or at SPH is not viable right now. So I just got to get used to living like this for a while.

A long while yet.