Films On A Rainy Day

Today, I wondered who, probably other than my mother, would cry at my funeral if I were to die today.

In some ways, I envy Gerald Ho - my best friend who died when we were in J2. At least now he knows, and he is probably sniggering at me right now.

I just watched one of those rare quality Chinese films on free-to-air television just now and it made me wonder what would what kind of a legacy I would leave behind if I died today? What would go on my epitaph? Would people even bother about me?

And why should people bothering (or not) even bother me?

I suspect sometimes I love films so much because I like how I can escape in the state of hyper reality it conjures. Instead of being informed of how these films "trick" me with their techniques as I study them in school, I find myself wanting to go back for more.

Maybe it has got to do with the fact that films give me an opportunity in that 2-3 hours, to assume an identity that I am that I am too afraid to assume in the public domain.

Eason Chan's character on Funeral March, Ah Duan told Yee, played by Charlene Choi that whether a person is good at heart depends on whether he/she loves himself.

I wondered whether I am mistreating myself when I am denying myself like this. Or should it even be perceived as denying myself?

Is life too short for me to make myself unhappy? And should I concern myself with making me happy? Or should it be to please God in every single way?

Can I do both when nobody can serve two masters?

Oh well, that for another day. For now, Pen-ek Ratanaruang's Monrak Transistor anyone?