of positive panic and frozen brains

i just took my political science paper earlier in the evening. i opened the question paper and was seriously overjoyed because i realised the topics i spotted all came out. but when it was time to start writing, my brain froze and the words just didn't flow.

it's really funny how things work out. because i totally anticipated this kind of things happening. that's why i tried to prempt it by working out essay plans, basically doing the thinking before i step into the exam hall. so gripped by panic on the day before the exam, i was finally bulldozed out of my lerthagy as i finished my preparatory essay on political parties - even though it took me 6 hours to formulate everything. and i really worked my pants off for this politics paper in the past month.

yet nothing quite worked out. i managed to squeeze out 3 sides per question, but i stepped out of the exam hall at 7pm having the "B-grade" feeling.

this was my second paper and second not-so-good one in a row. somehow or rather, at the back of my mind, i know that although the papers didn't turn out the way i had expected them to be, the way things turned out in the exam hall was perfect in His scheme of things.

there are a lot of conflicting things going on in my brain right now. but it's really got to do with my ongoing struggle reconciling my desire to do well with honouring God. i guess i just got to look ahead to my 2 remaining papers.

i took a technical break after the paper just now. i adjourned to bugis junction to catch a film with marcus. but the film i watched - sahara starring penelope cruz, was a stereotypically hollywood film with a lousy plot. totally brainless with a happy ending. i could write an essay about that. maybe if i had wrote on this lousy film, i would have gotten an A+ instead of a C+.

bah! tomorrow beckons. 2 down, 2 more to go.