when first is not enough

it's nearly 4pm on chinese new year's eve and here i am still in school. you see, there're no such things as half-days in the congested university schedule. i have been in school since 8am because i had a meeting for my video art project. we got the script and the critical discourse part settled today, and we're going to do the filming at my house next weekend. thank God for efficient project team mates.

yesterday at vcf vare group, we had a lively debate on the topic of unity in the church that stretched till almost 10pm. but i emerged from it realising that contrary to what i think, i had been shutting God out all this while.

the first commandment dictates that we love God with all our heart, soul and mind. the second is to love our neighbour as thyself. in my single-minded pursuit of apparently putting God first, i have isolated the people around me -- neglecting the second commandment in the process.

it is not enough that Jesus has got to be first in our lives, it has to become e-v-e-r-y-t-h-i-n-g.

he has got to be the centre of our very existence. this idea transcends the linear idea of him being the first -- because if we put Him only first, we will lose focus of our task on earth that Jesus' prayer in john chapter 17 clearly states for us. if God is everything, then this would mean the people we are around. we don't work with things, we work with people for God.

i sensed that together with the over-due quiet time material i read that cited the example of how a pre-christian paul was over zealous in his persecution of christians, yesterday's care group discussion was God's way of telling me to let go and let Him take over. i realised it was my personal pride that stood in the way of what people have been telling me about unity -- that blessings will only flow if the house of God is united. that because unity cannot be at any cost, we have to be bring matters out to the fore and thrash things out -- with the spirit guiding the things we say. i realised that a certain temerity of the spirit would abound if only i would also show more grace.

people are not perfect. they make mistakes. let us come to an honest admission about it. it may be something unresolved thus far. but let's not only talk among ourselves. let's do something about it. at the very least, be clear about any ambiguity. and articulate it and make sure it's understood by the relevant people. and then move on.

have a happy chinese new year.