how to hear you own voice

sunday afternoon. yesterday. at starbucks holland, there was a minor verbal skirmish. i said someone not there with us needed to be alone to hear her own voice. then someone that hearing your own voice is the same as reflection. i don't know what gotten into me, but for once yesterday, i didn't conceal my real self. i corrected him. i told him what's on my heart and mind.

reflection is a mere consideration of one's deeds on hindsight. but if one does not internalise what have been reflected upon, it does not constitute one's own voice. it's all about converting head knowledge into heart-felt conviction really. reflection is the gaining of head knowledge. the truth once realised takes some time for it to filter down from the head to the heart. and unless that happens, it will never be part of your voice.

hearing your own voice is a totally different thing altogether. hearing your own voice is something that is made all the more difficult when you are constantly around so many people who bombard you with their own perspective on matters. you need time and space to think and reflect, failing which you will be thrown into a deep extended time of emotional and spiritual turmoil that may eventually be manifest in your physical health.

once in a while, we need to be alone. take an extended break. to just let the whole filtering process to take place. to decide what you decide to toss away. and what to retain. to differentiate which versions of truth you decide to hold onto. to decide if you are going to follow the version of truth you subscribe to if you are christian.

i took that break forcibly when i started my ocs term. and in time to come, i am going to need a sporadic short break from the hum-ding. the conflicting mutterings of what the world constantly bombards at you. the break is for you to reconcile how it fits into your christian world view.

a break for you to do nothing. but just to rest in more ways than one.