crawling on broken glass

a communist said to a christian,"if i believed in what you believe in, i would do everything to spread the word -- even if it means having to crawl on broken class." hearing this phrase at the monthly vcf fellowship teaching session just now just brought out a whole new meaning to the songs which i will be singing for the musical (walking broken and broken glass). but more importantly, i began thinking about my attitudes towards day-to-day evangelism.

hearing dr paul woods speak over the last 2 fellowship teachings has been an enlightening experience. dr paul woods is a missionary with the overseas mission fellowship(omf) and a very frank missionary at that. his honesty may be jarring to some, but to me, the truth always hurts. and he presented it in no uncertain terms. over 2 parts, he talked about what it exactly entails being a missionary, why we are all called to missions and his own experience with missions.

a quick encapsulation of his 2 sermons were one, that missions is for everybody according to the Great Commission. that it excludes nobody. as long as we are alive, dr wood reminded, we are called to missions to evangelism. what is the pertinent difference is whether we are called to a lifetime of missions. two, that seeking to understand people takes time. that we need to do as Jesus did -- to meet them where they are. three, that there's no "special formula" for effective evangelism and missions. but what really struck me was his challenge and prayer to get us to ask God what is His role for us in His grand scheme of thing. dr woods also shared his vast experience in the missions field with us -- putting us chinese to shame with his impeccable command of our so-called mothertongue. but not without first driving home the point that we are uniquely placed like in acts 11, to do cross-cultural work since we are already so used the multi-ethnic mix in singapore.

when dr woods talked about utilising our gifts in evangelism, factoring evangelism in our career choices and subsequently praying for us to ask God for our role in the whole scheme of things, it finally dawned upon me that my state of perennial busy-ness is a result of not listening to God alone and persisting in maintaing my rights to do "what is good for my life."

i am doing a rather bad juggling act with the many things on my hands at the moment. and regrettably, there are some things that are of God, and some things that are of me. i mean God honours my every decision, but the thing is that i insisted on doing things the way i thought was good.

the Bible does say something like "all things are permissible, but not all things are beneficial."

the decision to go on the nus geographical society as publications director was made on the premise that it would be "good" for me to get some experience with editorial work. while this is not "wrong" per se, i kindda thought to myself that it would be good for me to start somewhere if i really wanted to be a journalist. but seriously, while it may seem like a wise thing to do based on my finite knowledge of the scheme of things, it may not be necessarily so with our Lord and friend -- simply because He is all knowing and infinite.

on hindsight, the thing which i would have deemed to be "of God" would be the bce involvement -- His hand in the events that precipitated my decision to do this musical is decidedly obvious and plain for me to see. and the thing which is not is the decision to be on geographical society.

the amazing thing is that God honours every single thing i may decide to do. He is not the punitive God who would go all out to "punish" me for not doing things "according to His will." rather, i believe that he is a gentleman who knows what's good for us because He has already gone down the road to know best.

the not so amazing thing is that i got really more than what i bargained for. my experience with people has taught me again that once again it is not the work that will kill, but what comes with the work i have to do that would kill. and the other peripheral duties that being on the management committee entails is really just a nuisance to me right now.

don't get me wrong. the people on geographical society are LARGELY good people. i would be the first to admit that i am no angel either, but being on it showed me how different people's notions of committment can be. i also learnt the importance of diplomacy and tact. but i made mistakes with not making my expectations explicit enough at the beginning and expecting people to know apparent unspoken rules with regards to issues like committment and such.

and so i am left to grapple with consequences of my actions. nothing particularly serious i must add. all it means is that i have inevitably and invariably made things so much more difficult for myself. but the grace of God is what saves the day for me most time.

it's pretty apt that i realise it at this point in time. coz vcf is starting to form up its team for next year. and i am not going to rush into committing to things that people have asked me to in good nature. because i want to rest and pray about it since it's something i haven't been thinking about. coz there're some existing things on my hands like the three boys i am kindda mentoring in church that i have got to do more about.

and really, as sara reminded me shortly after term started, God calls us to a life of simplicity. it's not about doing this much things for Him, it's why we do it and how we do it that matters.

right now, i could only wish i was not so busy. that i don't have so many things on my hands. but i do have a hope as well. a hope that i won't drown despite bad decisions made out of my finity.