lost in the wide abyss

it's all a blank
i don't even know where to begin
it's getting so lonesome
and to be such a great burden
at a lost, utter lost
in desperation
i cling onto things
that do not matter
but give that split second of joy
a high that lifts
and then leaves you wanting more
the doldrums they call it.
it just gets so overwhelming
you tell yourself
not to bother so much
because there will be divine provision
but i am more bothered
with why they bother so much
and not trust in the eternal one.
i want to believe
that freedom is in the one who provides.
but i may be forced
to do things that runs against
my very human nature.
what good is limited freedom...