torn

i know i must
but yet i cannot.
doing not what i should
but what i ought to do.
so simple a fact.
yet i just cannot.
cannot truly understand
what it takes
to let go.

that the very aspect of my character
that is inherently good,
can actually be my Archilles heel
is something so acute
in my consciousness
that it has become so distant.
so not me.

what is the middle ground?
what should i not do?
trying to be responsible
for external things
that seem so important
so very crucial.

yet the very acting upon
of this God-given impulse
would prevent me from
being responsible
for my own self
my very own domain.

between me and myself.
torn.