Independence Day, July 4, last Wednesday.
My first Independence Day celebrations was all rather poignant. We had the privilege of attending a citizenship naturalisation ceremony in the morning of Independence Day at Monticello, Thomas Jefferson's home estate.
For the first time ever, it got me thinking really hard about my desire to want to leave Singapore after graduation to do whatever I want to be doing, be it to America or Britain for graduate school or Thailand or wherever for missions.
The pledge of allegiance the new Americans had to recite was quite sobering in how it was worded. They had to publicly pledge their allegiance to the American flag, renouncing their past allegiances to their previous home countries.
While burning in the mid-morning summer sun at the outdoor ceremony, I realised I might not be as ready as I think I am, to leave Singapore. I thought of Mom, my friends, my church community and my cell leaders -- basically the taken-for-granted parts of my Singaporean existence.
I got reminded at that instance this was probably what eminent Singapore sociologist Chua Beng Huat, under whom I took a class this past semester, meant by the "appreciatory" face of critical social science, which is really critical work premised on a deep appreciation of the historio-socio continuum in any particular society.
But I reckoned moving to the United States appeals to me because there are things money cannot buy. Like freedom, for instance -- especially since such individual liberties are enshrined in its constitution.
I might have only been in America for just two weeks, and I am perfectly aware every society has its own set of problems; but I have never felt more free in my entire life.
Above all, however, I thought of God has in store for me.
What is the purpose of this trip to the States at this point of my life? How do I make sense of my experiences here and reconcile my will with that of God's? Or is there nothing to reconcile -- quite simply, I just have to yield to God?
When I was preparing to come here slightly over 2-3 weeks ago, I remembered feeling distinctly reluctant to move from my comfort zone in Singapore.
It was such a chore preparing to come here. I was doing my social rounds, meeting people for dinners and all, on top of my internship and trying to get all packed up. I was only to be away for 3 weeks, but my mom acted as if I was going to leave for 3 years.
But despite waiting for all of my 25 years, I am glad I made it here -- with the trademark flight delay and 17-hour flight et al.
Now that my horizons have been expanded and my range of sight has been increased, possibilities that were previously nothing but a figment of my own imgination start to take some shape and seem...more possible than previously thought.
I honestly don't know the answers to a lot of old questions that resurfaced and new ones that popped up on July 4, but while I am anxious to have some definite shape about my future, I am also mindful this is very much a process.
I have realised over time, that one step at a time is the way to go when it comes to everyday living, but this is not to discount the importance of having an overarching vision of where we want to be and daring to dream.
At this point in my life, I don't think I am quite there yet.
I realised some time back that professions like journalism and academia are mere platforms for me to exercise our natural talents and giftings. Identifying this impulse is therefore more important than identifying the platform per se.
Donald Rumsfeld once said there are things we know we know, there are things we know we don't know and there are things we don't know we don't know.
While my first July 4 has not done much in adding to the things I know I know, there are less things that I don't know I don't know.
So at the very least, I know more of what I don't know. Hopefully, this knowledge would help me with converting these things to things I know I know.
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