Leaving Charlottesville on Saturday morning could not have been any harder.
New York City was supposed to have been a triumphant conference after-note, but it has turned out to be quite the opposite. It has been quite an emotionally trying last couple of days as I grapple with post-U21 summer conference emotional trauma syndrome.
I guess it just goes to show what a great time we all had at the University of Virginia, who hosted this year’s summer conference at their charming Central Grounds at Charlottesville.
It also perhaps goes to show how tight we have become after such an intense fortnight where we basically saw each other and did everything with each other everyday. It is quite strange how the two weeks felt as if they flew past all of us, but yet at the same time, it felt longer than that.
I guess the good times spent just simply hanging out at The Corner and the basement (also known as “The Bat Cave”) of Brown College where we lived was always at the back of my mind.
The thought of having this group of people, coming together again like this ever again, perhaps never ever happening ever again, just made it all the more worse.
While there were signs some people were getting sick of each other already, I certainly made a couple of good friends on this trip – but I also wished I had the time to talk a bit more deeply with some other people.
Even before the closing dinner at The Rotunda Friday evening, various groups of people had started to take their leave from the conference.
Emma left right when the dinner reception started at 6pm. There was a palpable sense of sadness as a bunch of Bat-Cavers gathered in front of Clark Hall to see the first of us off.
I went to see off a second wave of people off at about half-two in the morning, and I found myself tearing and shaking quite a bit. When it was my turn to leave, I made so many excuses to go back to my room to take pictures because I could not bear to leave.
But I guess I have been better the last couple of days as I tried to be more objective about the whole thing. I guess while I am still wistful about the madcap past two weeks, it is not a negative pining, but a positive one.
Initially, all those pining for Charlottesville had me thinking maybe I am not so much of a city-kid after all as I felt so reluctant to go around NYC – particularly since I followed Aussie Mark on Saturday night to Times Square.
I have been a city-kid all my life, but nothing could have prepared me for that first encounter with all the massive neon lights. It was close to midnight, but there were still so many people and all the restaurants all seem to be still operating at full capacity.
New York is indeed a city that never sleeps.
At the back of my mind, that I was overwhelmed made me wished for small quaint university town Charlottesville even more. I really missed the authenticity of the historic downtown, with all the small shops and alfresco dining areas in the middle of it.
While I knew in my head that it was useless to think/feel this way because even if I were to go back now, the place would still not have the same buzz to it anymore because everybody have left; it was not until yesterday that this translated from head knowledge to heart knowledge.
Because at the end of the day, while talking to Aussie Mark, also from the conference and whom I have been going around New York with the last couple of days, I realized I probably would not keep in contact with a lot of people.
It is not humanly possible to upkeep with everybody. Maybe there would be a core group of five to seven of them, then there would be a intermediate group of another five to seven, but there would be no more concentric circles of relations beyond that.
At this point, I think I am more or less getting better.
There have been a lot of other things brewing in my head, but I am increasingly made to realize I should be seeing this whole trip to USA as a process, and until I reach home on Sunday, I probably would just let things be… for now, that is.
New York City was supposed to have been a triumphant conference after-note, but it has turned out to be quite the opposite. It has been quite an emotionally trying last couple of days as I grapple with post-U21 summer conference emotional trauma syndrome.
I guess it just goes to show what a great time we all had at the University of Virginia, who hosted this year’s summer conference at their charming Central Grounds at Charlottesville.
It also perhaps goes to show how tight we have become after such an intense fortnight where we basically saw each other and did everything with each other everyday. It is quite strange how the two weeks felt as if they flew past all of us, but yet at the same time, it felt longer than that.
I guess the good times spent just simply hanging out at The Corner and the basement (also known as “The Bat Cave”) of Brown College where we lived was always at the back of my mind.
The thought of having this group of people, coming together again like this ever again, perhaps never ever happening ever again, just made it all the more worse.
While there were signs some people were getting sick of each other already, I certainly made a couple of good friends on this trip – but I also wished I had the time to talk a bit more deeply with some other people.
Even before the closing dinner at The Rotunda Friday evening, various groups of people had started to take their leave from the conference.
Emma left right when the dinner reception started at 6pm. There was a palpable sense of sadness as a bunch of Bat-Cavers gathered in front of Clark Hall to see the first of us off.
I went to see off a second wave of people off at about half-two in the morning, and I found myself tearing and shaking quite a bit. When it was my turn to leave, I made so many excuses to go back to my room to take pictures because I could not bear to leave.
But I guess I have been better the last couple of days as I tried to be more objective about the whole thing. I guess while I am still wistful about the madcap past two weeks, it is not a negative pining, but a positive one.
Initially, all those pining for Charlottesville had me thinking maybe I am not so much of a city-kid after all as I felt so reluctant to go around NYC – particularly since I followed Aussie Mark on Saturday night to Times Square.
I have been a city-kid all my life, but nothing could have prepared me for that first encounter with all the massive neon lights. It was close to midnight, but there were still so many people and all the restaurants all seem to be still operating at full capacity.
New York is indeed a city that never sleeps.
At the back of my mind, that I was overwhelmed made me wished for small quaint university town Charlottesville even more. I really missed the authenticity of the historic downtown, with all the small shops and alfresco dining areas in the middle of it.
While I knew in my head that it was useless to think/feel this way because even if I were to go back now, the place would still not have the same buzz to it anymore because everybody have left; it was not until yesterday that this translated from head knowledge to heart knowledge.
Because at the end of the day, while talking to Aussie Mark, also from the conference and whom I have been going around New York with the last couple of days, I realized I probably would not keep in contact with a lot of people.
It is not humanly possible to upkeep with everybody. Maybe there would be a core group of five to seven of them, then there would be a intermediate group of another five to seven, but there would be no more concentric circles of relations beyond that.
At this point, I think I am more or less getting better.
There have been a lot of other things brewing in my head, but I am increasingly made to realize I should be seeing this whole trip to USA as a process, and until I reach home on Sunday, I probably would just let things be… for now, that is.
1 comment:
Hey clement! What you feel is all so familiar. I still remember sobbing as I said goodbye to Kingston. And how I couldn't go into my room in my hall because I handed my key. Sigh o Sigh. Oh well whine to me when you are back okies? Take care dude. :D
-Rit-
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