When one's ignorance is another's rejection

I could watch Judging Amy reruns after reruns and not get sick of the show, simply because it is so well written and the universal truths contained in each episode is quite simply out-of-this-world compelling.

After missing out on last week's three episodes, tonight's dealt with "knowing" people -- basically how you can never really claim to "know" somebody well and all. And it came back to me all at once.

Earlier today, I bumped into Vicky at Holland Village Starbucks after a short work meeting with Noelle about the newspaper and we chatted for a bit in my vain attempt to wait for the relentless rain to stop - in the process spoiling plans to spend time finishing up the contemplation on the thoughts from Anntic.

But it was a good chat nonetheless. I haven't talked to Vicky like that since we organised youth camp together in 2000. One of the things we talked about was how as we grow older, our social circle decrease in size because we are more selective about who we spend our time with.

This in turn, triggered off a mental association with what Clara and I talked about on the cab ride back from Anntic camp on Saturday night as I ambled back home and she to her church youth camp.

We were sharing how difficult it is to meet up with a popular and capable person like N and it gradually led to a general discussion about having popular people as friends.

And essentially how these friendships usually lacked consistent depth simply because these people either find it hard to maintain all ties equally or seasonally drift from groups to groups.

However, I choose to believe that the reality is more stark. Quite simply, these popular people have a choice like everybody and to put it bluntly, we ordinary souls find it hard to meet up with popular people simply because the latter chose not to spend time with us.

Suddenly everything becomes so much clearer, like how it was with G, ML and going even further back, with J and even A, although with A, we recognised the problem collectively and rectified it somewhat.

Don't get me wrong. I am not problematising this overly, I am merely stating a social fact. And for me, it serves as a moment of self reflexivity. I should really stop trying to touch base with these popular people, whom I somehow ended up befriending - even if it's out of a spiritual obligation from a period once past.

Relationships are seasonal and people come go. I guess it's a good reminder for me to just get reacquainted with this aspect once again and stop trying so hard when the effort can be channelled elsewhere doing something else.

Perhaps also, then I won't impose my expectations on others like I used to do so much more and end up getting all upset. But is it even normal not to have the slightest of expectations?

Is this all to it? Although deep down inside I suspect otherwise, I guess this situation of limbo will forever remain. I guess acknowledging that and moving on is the best thing anybody can be doing.