Starting The Campus Observer in May this year with a group of 11 other friends from the pioneer run of media writing and news reporting classes in the last academic year takes the 3rd spot on this year's list, simply for single-handedly changing my life in more ways than one.
It might have only been one semester, but much as I may not want to admit it, I have come to realise that The Campus Observer was my statement of high idealism. This may sound like regret starting the e-newspaper, but I really don't.
What I learnt is that it is difficult to live a principled existence -- quite simply, if you want to live according to your belief system, you definitely have got to count the cost of doing so.
It is a statement of high idealism simply because I was motivated initially only by the big idea. While I still maintain the importance of capturing these big ideas, for ideas to work, they need to start bottom up.
We originally wanted to start with both a print and an online edition, but with each successive planning meeting over the summer break, we realised that this was not exactly very feasible considering our limited resources.
We didn't want our business plan (since we require tons of funds to print and distribute the newspaper free) to prevent us from adhering to our journalistic ethics -- which was something I have studied to have been the case in the USA.
Yet despite winding down our original big ideas to what we thought were managable portions, it still didn't prepare us for the kind of rejection that the student union in our university and the kind of obstacles put in place that affected our publicity plans and consequently frustrating the business team a huge deal.
Personally, this was also a very huge lesson in terms of managing people. I quickly realised as chief editor, getting myself involved with the nitty-gritty matters of reporting was not something I should be involved on an intimate basis.
My job was to be the conductor, to conduct the different sections of the newspaper, to provide leadership and direction in synthesizing all operations in order that we may continue to not compromise on our main business.
While we were in the business of making news, not making money; and while it doesn't really take a lot of cash to fund this business model; the harsh reality of having to raise our own funds kicked in very early. We needed to be creative and innovative in our publicity and marketing.
All along, I maintained that our first semester of operations was always going to be about fine-tuning since all we ever done before that was talk. In the first half of this semester, I found myself doing almost for school and all my time was spent on matters pertaining to Campus Observer.
I had effectively become a full-time journalist, and a part-time student. I had to bear the consequences of course, but that was right at the tail end of the semester when all the deadlines were clustered together.
That was when all the readings which I didn't keep up with, came back to haunt me with a vengeance. After we closed regular production in the 10th week of school, I basically morphed into an essay-churning machine, mainly in the confines of the Writing Centre.
I lost track of the number of all-nighters I pulled this semester, and I will never forgot how I feverishly churned out my 5000-word research report that was 100% of my grade for one module. In fact, if I didn't have so much on my plate, I could have done so much better than the eventual B+ I got for gender class.
But in terms of counting the cost, I really regretted not being able to be there for Arts VCF more. Although I did meet up with my section of the CG for a late lunch this semester, I didn't meet my ALLO buddy Eugene at all for lunch this semester -- after meeting him thrice the semester before.
And I was totally missing in action from Arts VCF exam tea for the first time in 4 semesters. In what turned out to be the last semester of the green tables at Arts canteen, I was simply too busy to hang around there long enough to catch somebody that might need a prayer or a chat about something regarding school and such.
But I guess I should remember why I decided to decline arts vice-chair to start Campus Observer in the first place. It was my marketplace ministry of sorts, a kind of social action ministry as well, where I could also reach out to my friends on the newspaper team.
It therefore called for a different brand of leadership.
I found myself praying more than I usually do, especially in those difficult moments when we were threatened with a lawsuit in our coverage of the elections of the various student clubs in NUS. It was quite a tremendous faith experience, as God amazingly took control of so many situations which I had committed only in utter desperation and fear.
But as I told the team at our marathon work meeting just 2 days ago to kickstart preparation for the new semester, I am only going to move as much as my team members can move this semester.
I think I set the bar a bit too high last semester and stretched ourselves too thin. Since this semester is going to be one of consolidation, I think it might be wise to just strategize and work smarter.
I think I have done the leading from the front thing a bit too much, so it's time now to exercise leadership from the back. This means simply to just talk and communicate with people a bit more, so that they are happy doing the things they are doing. This also means I have to be less of a control freak and decentralise a lot of the things I was doing last semester.
xxx
Personally, I have always maintained this endeavour would make or break my intention to pursue journalism after graduation and even though I still have got one semester left in my tenure as chief editor, this can already been affirmed.
Prior to starting this, all the principles of the free press remained only something we studied. All those cases of how people would take to an independent press adversely because it necessarily compromises their power positions, remained just mere words.
No amount of readings could have possibly replaced the experience of those ugly dealings with other human beings. While it was really amazing to see fellow students behave in such a tribal manner, it was perhaps more pertinent for me, how tiring it was to keep chasing and saying the same things to people who just don't get it.
Journalism is tiring and never easy, but it is a necessary calling in order that people might be self-governing. Governments have understandably downplayed the role of the press in the whole democratic process in order to consolidate their power over people's minds.
Consequently people really do not understand the importance of such an institution. We cannot always assume that the people we elect into office once every 4-5 years will always remain perfect and good.
They are human beings and not gods for goodness sake and what makes you think their bourgeois tendencies would help formulate policies good for the working class? Besides, why settle for good, when we can have the best governance?
While the fatigue and the energy-sapping rounds are somewhat cushioned when I consider the larger social context that the newspaper operate in, I really do wonder what kind of impact this might have on people -- if I had actually done the smaller things, instead of committing to this big statement.
Right now, I am quite clear on how I have to be looking for a new team of people to take over from me this coming semester. I never meant for this newspaper to become a personality cult, centred around myself, so it can only be better for Campus Observer if more like-minded people are interested in working on the newspaper.
I would probably take a more advisory position after this -- if the newspaper survive beyond May 2007 in the first place. But whether I will go into journalism still remains open to question.
I don't see the point of working myself to death for a newspaper that is state-controlled. I don't want my life to revolve around just the work I do -- which I know journalism would be about. While the optimist among you might suggest that it's a work-life balance that is up to me to sort out, I remain unmoved after seeing what I saw on my internship.
I want to have a life outside work, my family, my church and more importantly, to do God's work. But if this is what God wants me to be doing, then I guess He will make a way for me to be a journalist and a jolly good one at that.
But meanwhile, this process kickstarted by my unsuccessful Reuters internship application this last summer would continue to unfold itself in the next year ahead, what with the second semester of Campus Observer and hopefully a summer internship with the Associated Press bureaus in either Singapore, Hong Kong or Bangkok.
Stay tuned for more developments. You heard it here first. =)
No comments:
Post a Comment