When the bird's eye view is not enough

It was part procrastination, part too busy to do anything else other than The Campus Observer, but I finally got started on my readings for this semester.

This is the middle of week three, but it really seems like the last two weeks or so were like an eternity. It seemed so long ago that school started.

Since a month before term proper started, preparations to launch The Campus Observer stepped up considerably. It didn't help when everybody realised the workload was much heavier than we anticipated when everything rolled out.

I found myself asking God: is this your way of teaching me a lesson for not discerning properly?

It wasn't long before God pulled me in. It started with Pastor Rennis' sermon Aug 19, then it continued at University Dedication Service last Thursday, cell word last Friday and Pastor Terry's sermon last Saturday.

It was relentless and no coincidence that every sermon built on the last, just so that I might understand that the only way out of the rut I was in, was to go back to God -- because I have been asking all the wrong questions.

To ask the questions as I did was saying that God has left me, which is a lie since God is always with me irregardless of anything I do or say. All I needed to do was to go back to His word, and guard my Quiet Time with Him.

I needed to regain perspective of the situation, and not get overwhelmed by the heat of the emotions. God reminded me of the time when I prayed about doing the paper or doing something with VCF this academic year.

The word 'marketplace' kept popping up. That assurance that there was more than enough people to do the work in VCF. The conviction that some sort of a forum for a student voice to be heard in the public domain, must be started.

This was God's paper. God gave me a vision. And the only way to get to the vision is to ask Him, and seek Him for His way to get there.

But above all, seek Him because He loves.

On hindsight, it was perhaps me being perfectionist and a purist. I guess at the end of the day, my insecurities stemmed from the knowledge that I didn't pray for the paper "purely" -- since I prayed about it in tandem with the whether-to-do-something-in-VCF thing.

Dumb, but totally true and so me to be doing something like this. Ming said this is my "major weakness" and told me to go get myself mentors to keep me accountable and to pray through decisions like these. I guess I already do that with A, but oh well, something to think about.

And so I picked up the pieces late last week. The problems on the newspaper team are still there and the undone readings are still piling up, but at least now things are better, because I am not looking at it from my limited human point of view.