Streams of My Consciousness

And so it is

Just like you said it would be

Life goes easy on me

Most of the time

Me: I am going to collect a term paper in like...10 minutes time. The social theory one.
Friend: Wah, sure A++ one again...right?
Me: Yah right, you think everyday Sunday is it?

(Goes off to prof's office, had a conversation with her, comes back to arts canteen)

Friend: So how?
Me: (stutters, with a silly grin on my face) Wah...eh, really everyday Sunday leh...

xxx

It's uncanny you know. Life usually don't usually go easy on me - it is almost unnatural for that to happen. My life is after all, not known as a soap opera for nothing. Period.

And now after bitching, whining and gripping about how I have not been performing up to this grand mental picture of how well I should be doing academically for the first three semesters; that right now, things are paradoxically apparently taking a turn for the better.

I just got back a good grade for a sociology term paper. My second in as many papers, and suddenly the 4.6 average to pull my overall score to 4.0 doesn't look like a distinct impossibility anymore.

But I am very wary and I don't know how to feel and how to handle this. I think it's partly because I am too used to trying so hard and still failing at the end, that I am just not used to praise when they are being lavished on me.

It's just a part of me that has been the case since that fateful day in primary two when mom told me my 100/100 for mid-year mathematics exam wasn't good enough "because I was not the only one to get full marks."

Do I see your eyes rolling already?

Yah, so I am also wary for a practical reason. The last time I got A+ for a paper for introductory geography class, I got a B- overall. I became too complacent, didn't exactly do my readings for the examination.

Sida warned me not to let good term paper grades get to my head. So I am not. I think I should really know better. I am just going to use these good grades as a good memory to encourage myself to press on in the next 2 weeks - especially when the chips are down, when I am slogging it out to preapre for exams that start on Apr 21.

Thank God my exams end before my birthday this time round. Thank God also for the good grades, and while this may sound a bit trit, thank God for the bad times as well.