Falling Short

Friday evening at cell, I got reminded how just barely six days into the new year, I have already fallen short of what I said 2006 would be all about previously.

I found myself referring to 2006 as "next year" - I may be physically in 2006, but mentally I was still in 2005. It just went to show how it's so much easier just to talk than to actually walk the talk. 6 days into the new year, I have yet to start on the Bible reading plan for example.

We were talking about Pastor Edmund Chan's sermon at convenant service on New Year's Eve on "Overcoming Soul Fatigue."

Reading from Isaiah 40:27-31, Pastor Edmund was advocating the importance of listening to the quiet promptings of the soul.

"But those who wait on the Lord shall ewnew their strength; They shall mount up with wings like eagles, they shall run and not be weary, they shall walk and not faint." - Isaiah 40:31(NKJV)

A little bit of background theology behind this verse. The Israelis have turned to syncretism and thought that God does not care or see in their spiritual fatigue. The same thing could be said of us in today's context.

He pointed out 3 critical symptoms of soul fatigue - a sense of rush (overload, overdrive, overtime); a sense of boredom (busy but bored); and a sense of isolation (feeling that nobody understands, nobody cares).

The "antidote" that Pastor Edmund is nothing out of this world. It is quite simply to regain a fresh vision of God.

Running on empty and running after emptiness are two cases that cause us to lose our vision of God. Soul fatigue is therefore a product of placing our security upon vain things that will not stand and will not last.

Personally, after a 2005 that passed me by way too quickly, this was God's way of repeating what He uttered at Anntic Camp - just be, no need to do this year.

Yet, at cell yesterday, I was reminded that I have yet to be able to spend time with God the whole week yet.

And on hindsight I do not remember being very busy other than having to bid for classes this past week. But I have been spending too much time on the internet and sleeping and waking at unearthly hours.

But in the same vein, I was reminded not to be too hard on myself. 2006 is after all still only seven days old, there is plenty of time to start. I remembered Pastor Rennis' words at the Christmas Eve service.

Do not be afraid, just as the angel told Joseph all those years ago, when he first discovered the pregnancy of his wife-to-be Mary.

Falling short already six days into the new year, I was immediately assaulted by my conscience - wah, am I at it again? Is this going to be another case when I am going to fall short again of what I'd say I would do again?

Then again, maybe not.

I am starting 2006 quite unlike previous years where I would have a grand master plan of the year ahead, of where I am roughly headed and all.

By contrast, this year is still a massive blur. I do not have any inkling how this year will turn out. For once, I really do not know where I am heading. All I know is that this year I am going to do less and be more faithful to the simple things.

But strangely, I never felt so much more at peace.

All I need to get to do now is to spend time with Him, stop and listen to Him before acting instead of going ahead with exercising my will first and then ask God to either approve or correct our mistakes when we screw up.

Spiritual therapy. Back to basics. Like now.