Thoughts In The Cold

Maybe this is just an inkling of the kind of depression the people in UK say come about as a result of the bleak, cold weather there.

After the flurry of activity from Friday into Saturday morning, rushing a paper for cultural anthropology class, and after a weekend of mainly just sleeping and resting, I have had time to think about what I am doing with my life. And I am plagued by a whole series of random thoughts.

1. What is going on with me? How long is this rut with God going to last? I want to be able to sing and worship again.

2. How is my family going to survive with the reduced income for the foreseeable future?

3. Looks like I cannot take a decent break this December. If I want to even have some money to do some Christmas shopping, I would just have to work. So it may be back into the ST newsroom for a month again. No rest.

4. Should I drop out of USP? I really do not think I can bring myself to do another 2 more science modules without being able to exercise my pass/fail option on it.

5. It does not matter how easy a science module on USP is, the dread I have for them is universal. And I do not see the point of going through the whole motion and then jeopardising my cumulative average point score.

6. The intended one-semester exchange to UBC. Should I even apply? Will I get the Lee Foundation award? It will screw up my academic planning totally - if I want to be doing 3 ISM's, then I will probably have to do ALL of them in year 3 sem 2, if I want to be free to start my thesis in sem 1 of honours year. But some time away will be good - especially if it's my sabbatical year from ministry coming up.

7. I want school to end like right now. And for the holidays to begin. I just want to do nothing, relax, sleep and read because I want to, not because I have to.

8. It's exactly one month to go before exams for the semester start on 18 nov. Just the thought of the feeling of stress and intensity is already making my senses tinkle. I may mug quite a bit, but I really hate mugging.

9. I have to start packing my room and throwing out the accumulated junk in my room this coming holidays and stop procrastinating. And oh, that includes getting my driving license.

10. I want a Canon A95 digitcam, an iPod, a sling bag, new sandals, new shoes, new clothes, new furniture so that I can re-create the cafe ambience in my room for me to read in.

Sometimes having too many choices is bad for your mind, body and soul. Bah!