reality beckons

i woke up on tuesday morning with a sore throat. and the first thing that went through my mind was -- why God?! of all times?! but in the end, i think the sore throat went a long way in vindicating the fact that what people heard from me in the musical is not of my own strength. yes. 3 shows in 2 days. and it all ended with a flourish last night. yes. falling. spinning -- the musical has been consigned to the annals of history.

there are many many things God taught, shown and revealed to me in the course of the last 2 months or so. i have talked about some of them in the preceeding few weeks here, some others will perhaps find its way here someday somehow.

but for now, the emptiness i felt immediately after everything ended yesterday.

as i sat at the wooden tables outside lt13 yesterday, it finally dawned upon me that everything is finally over. it didn't really matter that i never had a full run where i didn't forget my lines. not even close. it didn't matter that the script was far from perfect and people didn't know who jude was when jude died in the script. because all that mattered was that God was in the house. =)

i think what made this whole tiring experience so enjoyable is that it replicated what i missed most about being in a christian school -- how we always prayed before, during and after something we did in fairfield. before each track relay event, we would commit the whole thing to God. before a performance, we would stop and pray. the last 2 months or so have been a time where there was so much comaraderie among like-minded people.

i built upon friendships started at anntic -- people like paul seah, mark tay, joanne lee, jian ming, jonathan leong, pamela, jason gan, minghui and many many more. i got to consolidate relationships with my care group people like rachel, evangeline and chris huang. i got to know new people in gabriel, ian chen, mark szto, jan ho, melissa, marcus, jun wen, rui yi, sandra, ruth, paul leong, stephen...the list could go on. but most importantly, it helped me see the whole vcf community at its collective best.

i feel kindda sad that just when i got to know so many people, most are moving on after graduating. but it reinforces the whole notion of how we have to treasure this time of preparation before we move out into the world to do His bidding.

i rushed home -- courtesy of my regular ride home on ian's battered mercedes -- wanting to rush my politics essay last night. but when i got home, all i could do was open my fridge, grab some cold yakult to cool my burning throat and sit down and stone. it was only then the whole emotional baggage thing about the musical settled upon me.

maybe it was the intensity of the final show. maybe it's because something that has kept me so busy that last few months is suddenly over. maybe it's because i was just too tired from the last 2 days of intense preparation. maybe it's the dread of having to face deadlines after deadlines that is our crunching reality as undergraduates.

i just couldn't put a finger on what's bugging me. but deep down inside, i know the journey is far from over. if anything, it's only the start. i have 2 friends who indicated an interest in knowing more. and it's time for what i have learnt, discovered and realised over the last few months to start kicking into action. because quite simply, faith is not a mere word, it's action.

and quite honestly, i was left wondering about the fates of ethan, miles, mia, leah and more so, sian liang. where do they go from here?

does falling. spinning 2 beckons? watch this space.

and oh by the way, before i slept last night after giving up on my essay, i prayed for an extension of deadline for my politics essay till saturday if God was willing because i recognised that i was responsible too -- since i already know about this clash before hand and should have done smth to avert it. but guess what? i got an extension till monday! yup.

and just before i got to stage for the first show on wednesday, the pain in my throat suddenly dissipated when it got worse that very morning in itself. i mean the soreness still remained, but the pain was gone and i could sing relatively comfortably.

and a third and final thing, while we were praying on stage and singing How Deep The Father's Love acapella before the night show and while praying backstage during the sermon by pastor malcolm after the musical, we sensed God's surge in the place. it was so tangible, so still, so encompassing that no words can possibly fully describe His majesty. =)