letting go of reason

my usual gripe about songs by planetshakers is that it can be overly "personal" with their undue emphasis on the "i" in their songs and almost none of their songs are exclusively singing about God's character say in the mould of hillsongs "magnificent" or darrell evans' "your love is extravagant." but listening to planetshakers again this evening, the inecessant "i's" drove home a point -- that He is all i ever need. that i will go to where He chooses me because i'm His.

it's really amazing how God is so patient as to remind me time and time again the reason we live for as christians when we forget.

it's so easy to just say "i know this is my problem" when things are usually easier said than done.

my problem is that i keep wanting to do. accomplish. finish. attain. and do and do somemore. and then i collapse in exhaustion. and let vent my frustration. yes, i know in my head that i am saved not by my deeds but by grace. but i have inadvertedly conditioned myself to think otherwise. to achieve self worth in the eyes of the world, i have to work my way through. not that working hard is wrong, but basically, over the last few years, i have ended up banging my head against the wall most times.

God has been resounding the same thing He has resounded in my mind the last 5 years or so -- that i have absolutely nothing to prove, not even to myself. but obviously, i have never quite gotten round to knowing what that truly means.

i heard Him tell me -- dude, look at what you have achieved based on your strength. why don't you just let go and let me take over. you really have nothing to lose.

but letting go is something so difficult. letting go doesn't mean totally not bothering. it means to just do my best, and literally let God do the rest. to let tomorrow worry about itself. to smile at the storm because i know deep down inside, i have an eternal hope that will carry me through, that i can tap from.

God, please give me the strength. please.