i just watched marriage is a crazy thing on arts central just now. it's a 2002 korean film by korean director ha yu. the story basically revolves around a charming part-time lecturer who hooks up with this girl on a blind date. on their first date, they stayed out too late and decided to check into a motel together. but when the girl proposed they get married, the guy gets cold feet and declares that he doesn't believe in the notion of marriage.
he also points out that he is not "appropriate" marriage material because of his lack of financial security due to his uncertain tenure at the university where he is a part-time lecturer. so the girl promptly marries a doctor for that financial security and maintains him by the sideline for the romance. it breaks down intermittently as the guy struggles to come to terms with reality.
i thought it absurd that such a thing could still happen in the world today. one marries just because you "have" to marry before thirty and marry "right". and it's amazing in korean society it's a scandal if a younger brother gets married before his older brother -- and the older brother is subsequently considered over hill, irregardless whether he is on the right or wrong side of thirty.
but then again, maybe i shouldn't be surprised. because this is what happens when tradition gets fused with what is loosely termed as modernity. it's an awkward reconciliation of the old and the new.
but what made the whole film experience sucked was how it reminded me of my non-existent relationship situation.
i know i shouldn't allow myself these bouts of self-pity, but i really can't help it. i know i should snap out of it, but i really don't want to be alone when i am fifty in my studio apartment. i may be able to lead the high life and maintain a lifestyle of my own choice. i may get to own that ash-grey voltswogen beetle my sister and i eyed just now on the way to granny's for dinner. i may finally get to live my ikea dream apartment. and travel to exotic places as a journalist.
but i think life is really more than that.
it is not so selfish. i don't want to be alone. i want to come back to my home. a utopia where love transcends everything. where for the part of the day that i am not in the office, i come home to warmth if my office was cold. that i come back to a brood of brats at home.
ugh. the pangs of being a single twenty-something.
ok. now to snap out of it. like now.
Tuesday, February 08, 2005
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2 comments:
being a single twenty something as well, and perhaps going thru something similar as this (grappling singlehood and wot it means to the christian man). i have the fears, the insercurties, the "when-i-make-lame-jokes-about-singlehood-i-am-afraid-of-dying-alone" syndrome. but y'know, while walking thru (albeit alot of doubt) the process with God, i think he's somehow showing me (us perhaps) just wot my view of relationships are, my insercurities that have not been surrendered to him. He tells me "you think you've understood certain things in the world? well, here are certain things you know about yourself!" well, perhaps thats something. and then there's the whole "not giving of rock and scorpion" idea. so His way is best for us, i'm learning that, i suppose you are too. to have faith, if singlehood is perhaps wots best for us, it's bread, not a rock or scorpion. hahahaha, i dunno, its easy to say but shure hard to see things from perspective. keep finding it out yourself dude, and if you're truely seeking, He will show it to you!
it's a "grass is greener on the other side" situation for all la..when you're single, you'll be pining for the joys of being attached..when you're attached more often that not you face more problems than you expect and so have struggles, and you miss the freedom and carefreeness of singlehood. To some the struggles are worth it - to some it can't be done.
It is NOT better to have loved and lost than not to have loved at all...try it.
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