my anntic experience

despite having to endure shivering cold showers at midnight, the wild dogs and the 15-walk to and fro our isolated accomodation quite aptly or not-so aptly named the villa -- depending on how you look at it, the 2004 edition of nus varsity christian fellowship annual teach-in-camp at taman lutheren lakeview chalets at cameron highlands was a time where forced out of our usual physical comfort zone and stripped of all creature comforts, i could focus my undivided attention on God alone.

i had been looking forward to this camp for a long time now. in fact, it was the the prospect of being able to go away for a few days to a cooler climate that kept me going all throughout the examination period. besides i really needed a break. although this wasn't the kind of retreat i was hoping to take, i actually went into camp with an expectant heart. i had a couple of questions regarding the events of the year and my plans for 2005, and He amazingly answered every single one of them in no uncertain terms.

we were tremendously blessed with an excellent speaker in dr david harley -- who's from uk and worships at st john's-st margaret's church as well! it was a pleasant coincidence as we shared our views about our church. the camp's theme was "in the world, but not of the world" and we focused primarily on the later chapters of the gospel according to john.

in his exposition on monday night, dr harley reminded me why i should trust God. referring to john 14: 1-14, i was particularly astounded by the clarity of God's gentle insistent prompting that He is God -- that He is "the way, the truth and the life" (v. 6) it would set the tone for the rest of the camp for me, particularly since it was God's way of reminding me of what He told me earlier in the year that i am serving Him, and not man -- that basically i should continue serving in heartbeat for the next year at least. Jesus is the way.

dr harley talked about the holy spirit on tuesday morning - that the Holy Spirit is not "a force" to be reckoned with, but a person to continue Jesus' ministry. the multi-faceted role of the Holy Spirit is manifest in john 14: 15-31 -- He comes to bring glory to Jesus, as a comforter for us, a teacher in "the spirit of truth." more important was the connection between the gift of the Spirit and obedience. Jesus promises in the Holy Spirit would be sent in His name if we who love Him, obey Him and His teachings. obedience flows naturally out of love. leading a christian life on our own strength is futile, leaning on His strength isn't. this came as a reminder of how God told me to go read more about the Holy Spirit at the heartbeat camp in 2000. and it basically went a long way in calming my wondering mind because God reminded that He would help if i loved Him enough to obey.

tuesday night, he talked about the place we have in the growth of God's kingdom. with john 15:1-17 as his basis, he talked about how we can "bear fruit" if we allow God to change us, if we maintained our relationship in the Lord, if we pray with persistence and expectation and if we love each other. the challenge of the secular world is daunting and would envelop us in its reach if we do not exert the christian voice. just as God sent his disciples out, He wants to send us out into the world to do the same.

wednesday morning, dr harley used john 15:18 - 16:33 to talk about the perils of living in the world today. he points to the opposition in the world that Jesus himself predicts and how it is inevitable because followers of Jesus have a new nature and this very nature challenges the values of the world. this opposition may be severe and even sometimes respectable by the secular world, but opposition is endurable because we have the Holy Spirit and God is in control. the fatigue in the past year -- how badly it started and the trauma of my first semester -- came to a close as God ministered with yet another reminder of not trying on my own strength alone.

the planery session of sexuality issues with guys and our problems with girls was God's way off addressing my concern of how i should move on with my one-year abstinence from boy-girl relationships. not that i ever had a girlfriend before, but i thought it would be good to just let God continue the moulding process He first started when i was in army not too long ago. He basically helped me to sort out my feelings and emotions. while i cannot pinpoint exactly how i feel and what i am going to do, i am more aware of the nature of my feelings.

the high point of the entire camp pulpit series was dr harley's exposition of john 17:1-26. chapter 17 deals with jesus' longest recorded prayer in the Bible and in it, Jesus prays for himself and his disciples. while the first part simply illustrates the fact of Christ's authority -- how much Jesus trusts in His father by not escaping even when He knew His end was near. He didn't run away because He wanted to obey his Father; it was the second portion that impacted me most. key to all this is how God prays that the disciples be holy, that they be joyful, that they be protected, that they be fruitful, that we will see His glory eventually, but most importantly, that they remain united. while unity is not necessarily uniformity, the basis of unity that Jesus advocated is a personal experience with God, a clear understanding of the deity of Christ and an unequivocal acceptance of the authority of the scripture. unity in the church cannot be achieved at a price, unity cannot be for unity's sake, but on a sound doctrinal basis.

the final Bible exposition about the difference Jesus made in the lives of the people around Him was delievered by dr harley's wife, rosemary. we saw how when he was resurrected, Jesus changed his disciple's fear to peace, changed mary's grief to joy and thomas' doubt into belief. but more crucially, after he changed his disciple's fears to peace, He sent them out into the world. Jesus' patience for people hit me like an arrow to the heart -- if He could be so persistent and patient, how not can not do the same with the people i deal with and more importantly, myself.

i was reminded that i didn't have to "live" with all the scars and hurts in my life -- that God first carried the cross upon His shoulders for me, that He first loved us that we may love. if the first hallmark of christians is joy, then the second must be suffering. yet this suffering doesn't have to be borne by us alone, Jesus promises to come alongside us.

i realised that my tendency to plan, to be in control, to want the perfect situation for my life is a direct reaction to my past. i always regarded myself to have screwed up in my secondary school days and my stay in jurong institute to be a living reminder of the consequence of my mistake, but as i went through the comparative religions workshop, i realised my experience in dealing with people from other races and stratas of society from my time in jurong institute and as an army officer was for a reason. being more exposed to a vast array of people, i realised i was able to better comprehend the acute peculiarities of human beings, that people who went through the best or the christian schools found a bit more difficult to. i may have done badly, but it does not mean that i am dumb, inept or stupid, i just made a mistake. but by His grace, He has turned this mistake into a time of learning.

this camp also vindicated what God first said when He prompted me to join my vcf care group 2 months ago. i had thought God meant for me to go into the secular student societies to do my journalism/publishing thing and let people start question my Christian way of doing things in my time in the university. i could then spread God's love by means of infiltratation. however, it totally escaped my attention that no man can be an island. i found the support of a christian community totally lacking. joining vcf gave me the support and the knowledge that there were other like-minded people around me praying for me just as i pray for them. their physical presence in campus also acts as reminders for myself.

and the people i got to know in the camp. from christian brothers in paul, jay, yanchang, jason, jianming, jianhao, jonathan, alvin, minghui and the ditsy sisters, i now know that the people in His kingdom share my vision and sense of purpose. and as i anticipate christmas, the release of semester 1 results and the start of the new year with mixed emotions, all i need to do is to trust. as paul accurately "saw" as he prayed for me, the ultimate thing for me to do is to release control over my life to God in its entirety -- that i even control my desire to relinquish control over my own life.