a life once lived

watching one of zhang guorong'g movies on channel 8 on a rare saturday evening that i was actually home, it made me incredibly sad that he killed himself last year.

he's so incredibly talented. and somehow he had this assured air in his acting. not every actor has this flair in their craft. every single expression is a result of his painstaking research into his craft. yet ironically it was his craft that did him in.

zhang guo rong was a method actor. which meant he lived his character as part of his research. because it would entail a first hand knowledge of how a prostitute, a homosexual, a vagrant lived, it would mean he could act his role with such precision. his lines would mean something, instead of mere acting. his job transcended his boundaries. he made it his life.

and it made me wonder what went through his mind when he decided that he couldn't take it anymore. what made me feel he had lost total control over his life.

and then it made me wonder -- did anyone bothered to talk to him about God? maybe. just maybe that would have helped.