on my own

my economic situation once again reared its ugly head today. it just dawned upon me that once i leave the army, my regular source of self maintainence will disappear overnight.

it's even more pressing and urgent because my dad's new job pays him only slightly more than the army pays me and he needs to walk around so much just to earn that amount of cash. each day he comes home slumped in the couch as he struggles to remove his shoes. it's an endless routine each day. the familiar smell of ointment that pervaded the air usually comes from my mom because of her sciatica condition, but today it came from my dad because his legs were too strained from all the walking he had to do for his job. i knew at that instant i had to wake up to the realities.

i need a job that would pay me 1000 dollars a month when i am studying. ideally it would be a twice a week tuition job teaching english at a tuition centre where i teach students on a small class level. it wouldn't be a problem to me because i have taken kids at a 40-per-class level and i quite enjoyed it. plus this time it would be without the hassles of the admin work.

right now i am doing ok because i get enough to be self sufficient and have some savings on my own. do i need to even mention the instalments for the flat we are living in would not be done till 2010? and there's the university education for the three of us to think about.

when you put that and my lofty ambitions after graduation. of not wanting to get a concrete job and do the things i want. is it at all feasible in the first place? and what about the overseas exchange programme i was thinking about? it all just came raining down on me.

i have been in a comfort zone for the last 2 years. even though i had it quite bad, the reason why i am still alive is because God has blessed me financially. i am in a quandry now.

i wish i was still young and ignorant. it's time for me to stand up and be counted.