the trouble with mom

it was me who wanted to buy a new book shelf to replace the one i had in my room. i found the old one to be creaking and cracking under the weight of all my books and trophies. so logically, how long i choose to take is really none of her business.

but no. she keeps nagging and nagging and nagging about not me not doing anything about it. and then one fine day, she saw some cupboards on discount at some bukit timah shopping centre shop and henceforth that those were the best cupboards ever for me. problem is i never got to see them. i didn't have time to go down last sunday, so she kept calling me. i lost it. i told her -- if buying the cupboard means you stop nagging. then go ahead. i rather have to live with your poor taste than to tolerate your nagging.

she bought the cupboard that i specifically told her i DID NOT want when she showed me the catalogue before.

then over the last four days, she first systematically cleared my old cabinet of all its contents on the first day. while i was really angry -- knowing how when she does this, she usually misplaces everything because all she bothers about is getting all things neat and tidy -- i was secretly quite thankful. thankful because i knew it would take my ages to clear the cupboard on my own.

the next day, she proceeded to throw the cupboard away. that was normal procedure.

the third day, she started packing everything up in my room. i was quite shocked at the number of books and amount of notes i have accumulated. it was only then i realised my secondary one geog textbook was still lying around. sheesh.

then yesterday, she did the ultimate. while i was away in church and out in town, she repainted the whole room.

wow. so sweet. so nice of her.

it got me so pissed. previously when my room was a mess, it was an organised mess. i knew where my things were in the pig sty that was my room. so what it's organised and neat now, i can't even find my camp pass today. i nearly died -- my mind was racing. did she throw it away like she usually does to everything she deems to be garbage?

i know deep down i have to be deeply gratified for what she has done for me. but really. she could have just left it alone and let me do it. i just cannot stand it. how she forces her decisions down my throat just reminds me of how she used to do that ALL the time when i was much younger. maybe if she had just told me what i should do and left it to me to decide, i would not have screwed up that much in my teens. because then i know it's solely my fault, quite unlike now when my mom is an obvious reason why i did so many things wrong then.

my room. it's my sanctuary. and it's only logical the design, the layout and feel depends on how i want it to be. her forcing her choices on me is symbolic of how she has always made decisions for me when i was young. at almost 22, i cannot even make my decisions. i may be a child to her, but i am an adult. would she dictate who i marry a few years from now?

i shall now wait till i get my new cupboard this saturday before i start unpacking those boxes of books. only if i do not die of shock from the sight of the new cupboard.

ok. ranting's over for the day. thank you for listening.