the day after

i was not not only tearing in my seat. i was shaking all throughout the movie. i forced myself to open my eyes throughout the entire movie and not hide from the 'goriness' of it all because i told myself i had to come to terms with the extent of his suffering if i were to call myself a christian. because unless i am able to accept it, i will never truly be able to say i love God.

i cried because my friend was being tortured and i could do nothing about it. i was pained because they were blind to the fact that he was the Messiah. that the answer they were looking for was standing right before their very eyes. but their silly ambition and their religiousness were 'planks in their eyes' so to speak. above all, i cried because the my God's only son was being unfairly tortured and he was not fighting back one single bit. his undying devotion to the larger picture at hand.

but you know what? at the end of the day, God doesn't want me to keep crying. He wants me to wipe away my tears and start to ponder on where i go from here.

human beings are visual creatures. God's presence is considered intangible because we are unable to physically touch Him. this movie served to give me an idea of the extent of His sacrifice. it can get too gory. but the thing is. it is really what happened.

now in those times when i start to wallow in self pity and start to think life being so meaningless, i will have these images to remind myself that it is not the case.