happy chinese new year

yesterday i took leave to spend the whole time shopping around with kelvin. really impressive. how he keeps a mental calculation of how much he spends. and how he sticks to his budget. i bought only 2 tops but i blew 90 bucks at trumpet praise. looks like i still have got a lot to learn.

i really should have just gone to brisbane to attend planetshakers. coz then i could avoid this whole hoo ha. the hoo ha that is today.

today marks the start of a 2 day meet-your-relatives-once-a year thing. where people pass superficial comments and act as though they know you so well. except that they stopped knowing me when i hit cognitive age. reunion dinners are stony silent affairs for me. we don't even eat at the same time. the table's too small, so we take turns at the steam boat. they try to make polite conversation. i smile meekly. if i even bother. but over the years, they have stopped trying because they see the discomfort in me. how considerate.

as i sat in a corner after dinner, i was contemplating the people in my life. how i still have a problem letting go of the past. and not dwelling upon it so much. how people come and people go. how we all grow up and cannot keep doing the things we used to do. or how we cannot do the things we didn't get a chance to do when we were young and now that we realised we were deprived, try to do something about it. how we crave the mindless days when we can just do things without being mindful of the consequences.

i wished i had elder siblings. elder siblings who i am close to. elder siblings whom i am talk to about stuff. and do the simple and inane stuff with. i wish i had elder brothers to fight with. to play soccer with. to go on runs with. family's important because there's only so far you can go or do with friends. at the end of the day, it is going to be your family who is going to stand by you, unlikely your friends. that's the truth. the reality. but if your family is not closely knitted, then you probably have nothing on earth.

nothing at all.