ultimate repentence

last night, i attended the first in a series of one-off courses organised by ywam. these are just thir attempt at giving the public a sampling of what is covered by the discipleship training school(dts).

and i went away totally blown away by God.

the sermon. the talk. however you want to call it. was on repentence. i went there thinking it was about brokenness. so it was kindda disappointing for me to know that the talk was not what i came here for. but i figured that anything of God would definitely benefit me. and that i was there not by chance, but by His will. so i stayed, paid 15 bucks and listened.

and i found out how come there seemed to be no breakthrough in my life. i was introduced to the speaker's 'the line of repentence' concept. it is an idiot's guide to how to repent truly before God. and then i found out i was stuck at stage 3 all the time. that after i prayed for forgiveness, i cannot progress because i can't seem to forgive myself and as such, i unconsciously hold onto my hurts. also contributing to this inability to forgive myself is the fact that i find it difficult to forgive other people. that as a result, reconciliation and a change of direction seemed so distant. so unattainable.

i also realised that while i confessed and put what is wrong before God, i did it reluctantly. i need to let go and release our problems because once we repented, we give them to God. God hates the sin, but he loves the person. God judges the sin, but is faithful to us. letting go would just mean letting God into our lives in every aspect.

also learnt that we are not sinners. but we are sinners saved by grace. why is getting our identity correct so important? because the human mind is such that we are what we believe in. because we are children of God, we'll walk in righteousness but if i've got problems with sin, i'll struggle and deal with it. as opposed to the 'we are all sinners' mindset, this is just a mere subtle difference, but i was so amazed at what it could potentially bring about.

there are just so much to talk about. and that's all in a single night. 2 solid hours of sitting through something i did not even intend to listen to. i went away knowing what brian meant. i went away finally being able to put a finger of what i think i knew but was unable to articulate about. i really wonder what going through 3 months of dts would be like for me. now i finally begin to understand ailing's excitement and sense of breakthrough.

it's on every wednesday night at kum yang chinese methodist church at 7.30pm. the price? SGD 15 per night. but how do you even begin to peg the value of God's power and divine conviction?

think i'll bring my bible study group boys to expose them to the wisdom of God. think it beats listening to me talk anytime. i know as a cell leader, i am just merely an agent that God speaks through, but think the speakers at these talks are better agents than i am.