my social retardedness

i have been thinking. what makes me want to dress the way i do now? what makes me talk the way i do now. everything i am now is a result of a decision i made in life on what's cool and what's not. so does it make me a shallow person? who determines what's cool and what's not cool?

still remembered why i started hanging out with vincent and brian and alywin back in fairfield. because i yearned for company. a clique. a sense of belonging. and i thought it would be cool to have a group of friends to hang around with. does it sound like i made use of them?

i still struggle to reconcile the lines that different people draw when it comes to friendships. people define and approach friendships differently due to their differences in upbringing and value systems. that's head knowledge for you. but something that baffles me till this day.

gee. i have got a massive problem relating with people. that makes me a retard doesn't it?