in the end it doesn't even matter

in the end i shouldn't have followed them to centro. in the end i should have stood my ground, be a spoiler and gone home instead. in the end, i should have stayed with morgan, june, vicky, david, michelle and jimmy at coffee club. come to think of it, maybe God arranged this coincidence because He didn't want me to break my pact with Him. in the end, i really should have known better.

because i simply am not prepared to live the consequences.

it's really not fair how just because i used to buy drinks for my friends whenever i am out with them, they expect me to buy all the time -- when i cannot even expect anything from you.

i'm really pissed how i obliged yet again. when they failed to get me to buy drinks for them, they used the 'you pay first i pay you back later' line. what the fuck was i thinking -- you and i jolly well know that the bloody 42 bucks will never come back to me. add 10 to that figure you borrowed at breeko's last week!

i tried to evade by going to the toilet. they even went to look for me there.

so i really thought they had no cash, so i paid upfront for them first. seconds after signing, i realised that i was duped. i was laughed at for 'really paying for the drinks'.

so much for being 'friends'.

maybe i should have known better. know that since they are only 'hang-out' buddies. i cannot expect anything better from them. i should have been anal. and not think that being anal is not bad. anal is good coz then people take you seriously.

in the end it really doesn't matter does it?

i feel so used, so manipulated. without any trace of dignity left in me.

no matter what i say or do, it's still between God and me -- isn't it?