mom and me

mom's sick. came home at 4am and saw her sleeping upright in the couch. she said she couldn't sleep lying down with the cough she had developed. but really. she was just waiting for me. that did it. i couldn't rest in peace the entire time i was home till noon today.

i just nagged at her to take my cough mixture. you know the coconut one? the one i used to take to treat myself in OCS. forced her to down it with piping hot water. that always used to stop those whooping coughs for me. she was making a lot of noise. but it was a case of a reversal of roles. it was me nagging.

just over dinner. i was begging her to go to church. it's been really a long time i told her. she said she's not ready still. i asked her how long more does she need? she smiled and shrugged her shoulders. i was tearing as i gulped my dinner.

i thought my issues were resolved during my absense from home the last year. but i was so wrong. i realised that the usual problems -- yelling at my mom et al -- didn't surface at all last year because i was hardly at home. so whenever i got home, mom would be super nice to me coz she only sees me once a week. now that i am back to my pre-BMT days, where we see each other everyday, the old problems seem to come back and haunt me.

then it struck me -- the problems were never resolved, they were just shoved underneath the carpet all this while.