the sermon today

self-worth. in a way yes. i made extra effort coz i wanted to listen. wanted to hear. it was a great sermon. pastor dan talked about how the world conditions us to attach our sense of self worth to the things of the world. things that do not matter. and the desire of man to seek conformity. to be the same. and be different at the same time is the root of all evil.

man are social creatures. so our self-worth should be based on relationships, not things. topmost, is our relationship with God. a lot of things popped up during the sermon. i thought about how the little things i envied. wanted to do just to fit in. even now. i never quite understood the superheros thing that the guys had. secretly i wished i could identify. but i just couldn't. i just wasn't chill enough to warrant a nick. there is napkin man, then there's social retard...indieboy. me? octoklem? something that attaches my rank to me right now is a no go. at least for now. think. told myself to just grow up. these things do not matter. if they exist and i so happen to fit in. then good. otherwise. forget it.

then a follow up on the lesson He started on choosing my audience. guess i cannot expect people to understand what i am going through. i need to know who my audience is. some people just cannot take my nonsense. i cannot blame them. but i had thought they would. but God is in the midst of undoing the lie i have lived all these years. and think i have to submit. have put off turning things around. things that trusted aides have told me to let go. but i just wasn't willing. the status quo larhz. but i am desperate now. it really do not call for drastic moves. it's just a subtle change here and there. and to know. and to act upon what i know.

self-worth and pride. i am in the process of striking a balance now. among many issues that have cropped up. this is just but one of the mention-able ones.