useless apologies

why go through the motions? why bother to apologize when you don't really exactly mean it? i mean. if u are really that sorry. then why the hell do it in the first place? people never really accepted the apologies in the first place. so why should i?

people cannot please everyone at the same time. so do not come apologizing to the one you chose not to please. because quite simply it was a conscious choice you made. so screw that bloody apology you don't mean. just forget it. i will just take it as a lesson learnt and just information to help me make an informed decision about how i will lead my life. how i will spend my saturday nights from now on?

maybe i should just volunteer for all remaining Saturday duty officer slots. then it will force me to quit clubbing altogether. then i won't spend so much money. then GOD will be happy. i will be happy. everybody will be happy. at least i will be early at church on Sunday mornings. coz Saturday DO ends at 7am. at least by not going out to have fun on Saturdays my mom will be delighted. delighted that her son is not out wasting money and mixing around in wrong company. maybe i should just sign on and just be miserable. at least i know i will be miserable every single day of my life. unlike now when people piss the daylights out of me. it's been so bloody long now. after so much words, methought wrong.

who is to decide whether a reaction is over the top? you? me? i will jolly well impose my own set of rules on myself. coz i have been giving too long. coz i am sick and tired of taking nonsense from everyone. coz i am sick of being the loser that is taken for granted. i want to make changes that i have so far being so timid to make. i have denied the Maker the chance to really being about changes in my life. maybe now i know i should. coz people just don't care.

i am sorry Lord. for not relying on you enough. period.