history never looks like history when you're living it. -- John Gardner

got that line from joshua harris' book i kissed dating goodbye. consider the fact that the last time i actually finished a book could be as far back as before my A levels. finishing this book, and at this fast rate, is quite an achievement for me. i normally start a book and don't finish reading it. charles dickens' great expectations being a case in point.

weikang tells me the book changed his life forever. for me, i found that instead of being convinced and transformed, i felt a sense of resistance towards it. i realised that my approach towards relationships has more or less been 'according to the book', but i haven't been doing things without knowing the reason or rationale behind it. perhaps now is the 'backlash'. coz now i am really trying a lot of things that i had forbidden myself to do -- no worries, i am still anti pre-marital sex.

each time a universal is manifested, i would think of myself and start examining myself. more often than not, i would find that i have strayed. but then i would start justifying.

but really, the book has given me the reason for a christian lifestyle. why christians live like that. it has not literally transformed me in its entirety, but rather reading the book has been a time of reminding. it was GOD's way of reminding me that what i have been doing all this while is right. but the time has come for me to know the rationale. so that i would be able to sustain my christian sanity and prevent me from experimenting too much. i was still yet unconvinced until the last few pages. those rhetorics that joshua poses to his readers really astounded me. then all of a sudden, i am beseiged by thoughts of the revolutionary ideas he suggested in the book. would i ask the parents of the girl for their permission to court their daughter? and ask them to test me to see if i am up to it? but before i do that, am i willing to be brutally honest with myself and make a stand on the way i am living?

i am in the process of reading the sequel, Boy Meets Girl. i am still much unsure how to respond. the mind is willing but the flesh is weak. maybe after reading this book, i would be at a position to decide for myself.

but one thing's for sure, the joy of intimacy is the reward of commitment.