I cannot even remember when was the last time I had so much time to linger over the newspapers over tea and "breakfast" at home, like today.
Waking up at 2pm, wash up, eat something, read something, go out if there're friends to go out with, come back, eat something, catch up on a little of SEA Games action, some random soccer matches or some random American series I kindda follow (read: Grey's Anatomy, Brothers and Sisters) on late-night television, and start on work till bed time at 5-6am.
I am sleeping so early/late because I decided to work around my insomnia, which is really a result of having too many random things to be completed on my mind, that also partially made me decide to stay in Singapore, instead of going for the Christian Fellowship camp in JB.
And since I have only been able to fall asleep at only 5-6am after tossing and turning in bed since I go to bed at my usual 2-3am, I thought I might as well put those few hours to some use, tire myself out and then sleep.
To think how December used to be so much simpler and less cluttered when I was younger.
It used to be the month of church youth camps, and then followed by shopping for clothes to wear on the unofficial "red carpet" thing before Christmas Eve service, preparation for the Christmas services, meeting up with friends.
No work, nothing. Until maybe after New Year's Eve, when we would frantically start finishing up whatever homework our teachers assigned before the school year ended.
But now, friends to hang out with also seem few and far between. My facebook profile says I have 590 people on my list of friends, but I do wonder how many of them are really still friends, beyond a hi-bye basis.
Then again, you may argue there are different kinds of friends. True, but I prefer not to quibble over such nomenclature. You are either a friend, or an acquaintance. I try not to label anybody an enemy in my head, it's far too tiring and involves too much negative energy.
So, friends come and friends go, but friendships only really die off when people don't see any real reason to put in effort to keep in contact, since the current crop of folks they surround themselves with, are all they need for their day-to-day existence.
But what if you also decided that those you have been coming into contact everyday are also deemed to be undesirable elements that needs to be purged out of your system?
Waking up at 2pm, wash up, eat something, read something, go out if there're friends to go out with, come back, eat something, catch up on a little of SEA Games action, some random soccer matches or some random American series I kindda follow (read: Grey's Anatomy, Brothers and Sisters) on late-night television, and start on work till bed time at 5-6am.
I am sleeping so early/late because I decided to work around my insomnia, which is really a result of having too many random things to be completed on my mind, that also partially made me decide to stay in Singapore, instead of going for the Christian Fellowship camp in JB.
And since I have only been able to fall asleep at only 5-6am after tossing and turning in bed since I go to bed at my usual 2-3am, I thought I might as well put those few hours to some use, tire myself out and then sleep.
To think how December used to be so much simpler and less cluttered when I was younger.
It used to be the month of church youth camps, and then followed by shopping for clothes to wear on the unofficial "red carpet" thing before Christmas Eve service, preparation for the Christmas services, meeting up with friends.
No work, nothing. Until maybe after New Year's Eve, when we would frantically start finishing up whatever homework our teachers assigned before the school year ended.
But now, friends to hang out with also seem few and far between. My facebook profile says I have 590 people on my list of friends, but I do wonder how many of them are really still friends, beyond a hi-bye basis.
Then again, you may argue there are different kinds of friends. True, but I prefer not to quibble over such nomenclature. You are either a friend, or an acquaintance. I try not to label anybody an enemy in my head, it's far too tiring and involves too much negative energy.
So, friends come and friends go, but friendships only really die off when people don't see any real reason to put in effort to keep in contact, since the current crop of folks they surround themselves with, are all they need for their day-to-day existence.
But what if you also decided that those you have been coming into contact everyday are also deemed to be undesirable elements that needs to be purged out of your system?
xxx
Nothing quite beats a long train commute after meeting one of my best friends whom I infrequently meet nowadays since he graduated 2 years ago.
Last Thursday, while on my way back after visiting an injured AN at his place in the north, the time spent alone in the train carriage on my way back to the west had the most profound cleansing effect on me.
It was a little surreal being alone in the middle of the bustling evening rush-hour crowd, and finally being able to think clearly and see things for what they are really worth.
It was then that I decided that if these things were bothering me and making me excessively sad right now, maybe it's time to get rid of them and get used to not having them around.
I decided that I would not pursue the film I wanted to do on the life of Reuben Kee for now, because I cannot bring myself to do research on his life without feeling the grief and sadness.
I also decided that I needed to not so much stop talking to some people in my life, but stop pretending and trying too hard in relationships that only matter in the figment of my imagination.
So I came back and cleansed my list of contacts on my msn list, clearing my list by almost a hundred when it was really one or two that really mattered. I even deleted all records of any conversations I had with these people on msn or facebook.
But what I did not expect was how difficult going cold turkey and not caring was going to be, but I guess if there's no pain, there would be no gain. After all, what won't kill you would only make you stronger, no?
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