Death along the Tonle Sap

I don't know any of them directly, but news of the unfortunate deaths of 5 members of the Singapore national dragonboaters brought on a mix of emotions.

I was angry this had to happen. I was thinking of why people had to celebrate the change of the course of the river flow in this manner. Didn't they consider it was going to be very treacherous to be boating on a water bed with 3 rivers meeting? Why couldn't they celebrate it any other way?

Somehow I don't believe the Cambodian organisers quite knew what kind of river currents they were dealing with, and I am not convinced they were adequately prepared safety-wise, to deal with such mishaps. 1 other Cambodian dragonboater drowned too, and they still proceeded with the rest of the weekend's races.

Before their deaths on Friday, 20-year-old Chee Wei Cheng, 24-year-old Jeremy Goh Tze Xiong, 31-year-old Stephen Loh Soon Ann, 23-year-old Reuben Kee En Rui and 27-year-old Poh Boon San were a son, a friend, a brother or a boyfriend, yet their lives were just snuffed out when their boat overturned.

I chanced upon Reuben Kee's facebook profile with his pictures, his music and his youtube page. And it just pisses the hell out of me that we will never get to hear this guy's music and his talent, which for somebody self-taught, is quite an achievement although his techniques were kindda raw still.

I hate it when people die like that. I hate it when you just explain it with a mere shit happens. I hate it when people die before they can have a decent chance with life and living. I know it's probably all in God's good timing, but I am still pissed.

Maybe I get such a violent reaction to this because it reminds me of the way my best friend died 7 years ago. He didn't drown, but he dropped dead on the track of SAJC when we were in JC2.

I never understood why he had to go so early. If there was anybody who "should," it was me -- not Gerald Ho, who was a good boy in every regard and was on track for superstardom in his own right; but me, who yells at his parents, is so screwed up in every way and should just die to save everybody the hassle of dealing with me.

And the sickening feeling I had when I realised the uncanny similarity this whole river incident bears to another river incident involving Singaporeans almost 10 years ago to this day sends a chill down my spine. I lost 3 of my Fairfield teachers when MI185 crashed into the murky waters of the Musi River near Palembang, Sumatra in 1997.

And to think I was on the very same river, the Tonle Sap a few weeks ago on a school class trip when we were on a motorised boat going to Phnom Penh from Siem Reap. The picture was taken while on the boat, further up the river, from where I suppose the 5 guys drowned.

I looked at Reuben's facebook profile and not for the first time, I wondered who will write and what will be written on my wall if I do die like that. Will I matter to the people I thought mattered in my life? And in the same degree and intensity they mattered to me?

And then I thought about Gerald Ho. Much as I would like to think I have accepted his death 7 years ago and sorted things out, I think it's one of those things I will never really understand or accept until I die, maybe.

Rest in peace Reuben, Wei Cheng, Jeremy, Stephen and Boon San. You will be missed and the world will be a lesser place without you guys.