Random thoughts

Coming home just now after class ended at half-nine just now, it suddenly occurred to me that my memory of my final year as an undergraduate will forever be scarred by my experience on an inconsequential USP science class, Evolution.

There is so much work to be done, and the "best" part of it all is that I am getting nothing, absolutely zilch, from this class. All pain and no gain, so they say. I have spent enough time and energy bitching, whining and moaning about that stupid ass of a lecturer, and I don't think he deserves any more of that.

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The Cambodian field trip during mid sem break was fun only because of the people. The poverty was hard for me to take, it affected me so much I decided that I would stay in the hotel during free times to avoid seeing any more of it than I already have done.

But the trip also took away time from my GRE prep and my social stats mid term. I hope I don't bomb the former this Friday as I totally did for social stats last Thursday.

xxx

I have been thinking a lot about my future lately. Graduate school in sociology or journalism. It's driving me nuts as I vacilliate between the two options. And now, there seem to be some thing else that might just come along and trump them all. But we will just have to wait and see until the meeting Friday evening.

xxx

Friday. GRE Friday. No time to practise. I haven't even opened the CD-rom at the back of my Barrons' guide yet. I am so screwed. I am so going to throw 280 SGD down the drain. I scored less than half of the possible 1600 on a diagonostic test last Thursday.

The Columbias, Berkeleys, Harvards and Ann Arbors suddely seem like light years away, and destined to remain a figment of my scant imagination.

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Moving on is so difficult, especially with new attachments and new experiences, especially when it is not only forbidden, but it's also unrequited and the idea recurs itself so bloody relentlessly and incessantly in my mind. I don't want to love you, but I think I kindda do.

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D just told me my honours classmates think I am arrogant, unapproachable and all that stuff. I am like surprised at their lack of reflexivity considering all the sociology we have done. I mean, you guys hardly had any contact with me in the last 3 years, so shouldn't it be natural that you guys find me "unapproachable" and all that crap stuff?

xxx

And oh, I have been facebooking WAY too much. Yeah, that's about all. I have lost almost all impetus to blog anymore. Either because I am writing too much, or by the time I want to blog, it's not timely anymore, or it could just be simply I cannot write what I really feel right here anymore because of fear of repercussions and all that.

And no, it's not political, as you might imagine it to be in repressive pro-Burma Singapore.

xxx

And yes, this would be all, for now. Does anybody still bother reading this place?