Much ado about nothing

J calls it "laptop-induced depression," A calls it "undergraduate fatigue," Dr P calls it "senior-itis"-- except that I have "contracted" it earlier than most people.

Call it whatever you want, but it still does not adequately explain my overwhelming despondence and low general energy levels this past week. I have never felt any more unmotivated to prepare for examinations in all of my time as an undergraduate.

Maybe it's a case of burnt out from my excessive accumulated strife of the last 2 and a half years, or maybe I am just tired of the sheer number of times I have to do the write paper-take exam routine as an undergraduate every semester -- 5 modules as opposed to maybe 2-3 as a graduate student.

The exam season starts today, and mine starts with the paper for deviance this Wednesday, but I have barely been able to move beyond organising my notes and trying to review past year questions. I have not gotten anything completed in my supposed reading week.

Maybe it's a direct reaction after pulling consecutive all-nighters last weekend, culminating with a final 24-hour flourish that enabled me to finish my ISM report at 4pm Monday.

To add to the dramatic flourish of the events of the past week, my laptop died on me after my ISM submission. You might say its timing might have been impeccable, but I still got a paper for Dr D's biosemiotics class due Apr. 28, to write.

And it certainly didn't help that I found out there were complications with my NYC ticket on Northwest. Yet, after all the trouble I went to, I STILL could not buy the cheap NW ticket. In the end, I had to book myself on a more expensive, but direct flight to NYC on Thai Airways.

I had rushed to get a certification letter from the IRO on Wednesday so that I could use the student fare, because this other girl (part of the contingent I waited to get tickets with, but in doing so, making me miss the deadline for REALLY cheap tickets) went to call STA to enquire for herself, making STA realise they might have made a mistake with my booking, who in turn called me up to say they needed to review my case.

But even after approving my application on Thursday, they called me yesterday morning to tell me that the deal they signed with NW only applied to flights to JFK, and not to La Guardia -- which was the flight I booked myself on since there are no more space on their JFK quota.

I nearly died. I could have been anal and taken them to task, because I think I had a case for a breach of contract; but I decided that I didn't want to waste any more time and effort. I was quite sick of having to go to and fro the agent office over at science faculty every day.

I went online to book the cheaper TG ticket to JFK (STA was selling at 85 dollars more than the website price), and because it was already 4.15pm when I finished my business with STA in school and the Shenton Way airline office closed at 5.30pm, I cabbed down to make payments and get my full name indicated in the system, which I was unable to do online.

SO, anyway, that's done and dusted, I need to book myself on a 10-hour Greyhound bus ride from New York to Charlottesville. Great.

Actually, the only thing keeping me going for the exams of the next 2 weeks, and the paper I have still got to write, are the events that will unfold in the summer.

First on the list, research for my senior-year thesis, which I have more or less decided to be something on Thai politics and will include a 6-day research recce trip to Bangkok in late May.

I have confirmed my thesis supervisor and my flight booking. I just met up with him on Monday, and he already set me work! Hehe.

He told me he didn't want me to embarrass myself by asking people I am going to meet there, generic questions about Thailand -- so he told me to come up with a 2-paragraph abstract of my tentative thesis topic, and a wish-list of the people I want to meet in Bangkok which must be substantiated with a solid academic reason and specific questions for each of them.

Not that I am complaining, I am actually very happy and glad he's this sort of supervisor, who bothers to literally supervise and grow me as a researcher, setting my arbitrary deadlines in between as well.

Thank God for good supervisors of this mould , and this includes Dr G and Prof S, who were my ISM supervisors this past academic year as well.

Then there is also my unpaid internship with AP that starts June 1, which will be interrupted by a 3-week sojurn to the United States in July -- a period that could probably transform what I think I am going to do when I graduate.

At the same time, I have to also finish up my driving license, take the GRE so I can apply for graduate schools in the States and rework my earlier ISM I did with Dr G for publication and as writing sample for my graduate school application.

But this also means an outlay of money that does not come with any renumeration. I feel very bad that I have to tax my folks so much, but I guess it cannot be helped. If you are reading this and can offer me a job that I may be interested in and pays reasonably well, please let me know.

BUT before I can go on to any of those things, I have to trudge through the next 2 weeks. I know I want to do well in my heart and mind, but the flesh is weak. Maybe the panic that would inevitably set in nearer the date would induce the adrenaline and get me working.

Bleargh.