From The Mission Field

Korat, Nakhon Ratchasima Province
Thailand

A few hours ago, at a kindergarten in a slum settlement near the hotel where I am staying in Korat, I found myself tearing while photographing the toddlers singing and at play.

I could not continue snapping away because I felt that I was objectifying their plight. And I guess seeing those children all innocent and oblivious to their situation had me quite overwhelmed.

I had agreed to come back to Thailand for a mission trip two days after I returned from my Bangkok trip about 3 weeks ago. This slum visit is unplanned, but I think this is what God had in mind when we brought up 3 bags of clothings without knowing what to do with them.

Jimmy called me 2 days after I came back to ask me if I was interested to replace somebody on his church mission team to Korat, a city in northeastern Thailand. I did not need much persuasion to agree.

This is only my first mission trip in all of my 24 years, but I am beginning to see that God made me wait so that I might be prepared to deal with what I see and hear adequately.

Since we touched down on Saturday, it has been shuttling from one thing to another. Inevitably my fatigue really prevented me from making the best out of every situation.

It also meant that my usual no-nonsense attitude towards the excesses of the 3 13-year-olds on the team was accentuated.

Already requiring every single ouch of any God-given patience ordinarily, trying to be civil and loving in rebuking them becomes so much more difficult.

It was over the last few weeks as I got acquainted with the kids during the preparatory phase of the mission trip that I began to realise what Adrian meant when he said that group dynamics was the thing that troubled every mission team most.

I should have known better.

But there were many other things that God has also shown me. Like the kids at the secondary school that we were at for the last 2 days, doing outreach.

We basically "taught" them English through games and songs. The only formal teaching was done by me on the second day because some classes came for a second session with us.

All in all, it was very exhausting but fulfilling. I was reminded of the time when I was a relief teacher. I wished I could have more time with them - maybe an English camp sometime in the future could be a possibility.

One thing, however, was very clear. I am clearly frustrated at not being able to communicate with the Thais at their level. Speaking English means I am expecting them to come to my level - it shouldn't be this way.

Which can only mean a strengthening of my resolve to master Thai when I begin Thai class officially on July 4.

It's off to a local university to assist with English lessons over the next 3 days. There's also a 2-hour outreach to a bunch of delinquent boys tomorrow.

I prayed for God to reveal His heart for the Thai people before this trip. But at the halfway mark of my trip, I am already overwhelmed by the needs of the people.

I want to help, but I know that my effort alone is not going to be enough. The feeling of helplessness has never been more acute. It is going to take a great awakening to meet all these needs.

And this is something that is best left to the infinite God.