Post Mid-Sem Recess Paranoia

I could not quite comprehend my paranoia and sense of panic in Media Writing class just now.

My tutor was giving out the assignments we have done in the first part of the semester when class first started. My scores were pretty high on themselves, but instead of being happy with them, the only thing on my mind was how the bell curve was like.

So I spent the entire lesson trying to find out how people around me scored - to no avail. I peeped, tried to make them tell me through insidious questioning methods, but in the end somehow I could not exactly bring myself to do the necessary.

It somehow started last week when my instructors emailed us our individual mid term scores. I scored 90/100 but found out that I may be the lowest around.

Then when I remembered that I would need an A-minus average to push my CAP score up to above 4.0, I kind of freaked out for a bit. Well, it was a huge bit actually.

Monday, first day back in school for the second half of the semester, was not going as well as I would have liked it.

Add to how my whole week seems to have been wasted because I have nothing substantial to show for my week-long research into my Cultural Anthropology and Mass Media term papers. And how as a result of research, I have not been able to catch up on readings. Then maybe you will begin to get a sense of my frustration.

Frustrated that I had nothing productive to show for my week-long recess. I hate being so inefficent. Time is of the essence now - especially since I need to be doing well.

So it was doubly ironic how I called DH just now to address his own frustration after he got slaughtered by a mid term test earlier today.

While I was trying to get him to be sensible about the whole thing, it occurred to me that the things I was saying to DH were the very things that my friends around me have been saying to me in the last year.

But more importantly, I realised that I continue to struggle with the things that DH was only beginning to face as a freshman. We have the same perfectionistic streak in us.

Maybe DT is right. Maybe saying things against being perfectionistic would help me become less paranoid about my studies because I have to practice what I preach now.

Or maybe it was just an acute case on Monday Blues. Oh well.