Vindication

Stepping into the office at 11.15am today and finding everyone out on assignment is a feeling that I quite abhor.

I felt so disconnected from the IOC proceedings because apparently I was the only intern who went on my scheduled off-days on Friday, Saturday and yesterday, when everybody else was working their asses off right through the weekend.

"It's the IOC - who wants to take off man," one of my fellow interns uttered.

When I was eating lunch alone in the SPH canteen, I realised that my state of mind is a result of my decision to not let my work affect ministry.

There were 2 big sporting events over the weekend - there's the badminton's Aviva Singapore Open and the OSIM Asian Triathlon Championships.

I really wanted to cover the events, not lest because it's exciting but also because I have friends competing at the triathlon event as well.

But I decided against doing any because it would mean not being able to go on my off, and as a result, not being there on Sunday to do the whole cell thing.

Things "worsened" when I went back to work on Sunday to find that I was not scheduled for work yesterday.

It didn't help that the bonafide celebrity I was chasing for a quote was not being very forthcoming and I kindda didn't deliver the quote my colleague was looking for.

Even though I had warned him on Thursday night before I left the newsroom that there was a high chance I would end up with nothing by yesterday, he ended the phone call quite curtly last night at a princely hour of 9.30pm.

He was obviously pissed.

I could go on and on about why he shouldn't have depended on an intern like me - primarily because you are only as good a journalist as your contacts are, and I am all but a novice - but I guess there is no such need to justify my case before Man.

And so, while I was away from the newsroom, people got to cover the Beckham and Raul arrivals. And talk to the big shots who are in town.

And then it hit me as I sat alone at the canteen this afternoon - why should it bother me at all?

It was then I reckoned this was just part and parcel of why God despatched me on this internship in the first place - to be reconciled with what entails in putting God first in the newsroom.

I get nasty looks from colleagues who have been working through the weekend. I made a fool of myself at the media centre at Raffles City just now when I showed zero awareness of all the press conferences that was going on today.

I may even get labelled lazy and being not on the ball because I chose not to do things on Sunday that will take me away from church.

For a self-confessed and publicly-acknowledged workaholic like myself, this comes like a knife into my heart, a wound into my my very soul of being.

Despite that, I am thankful for the opportunity that God is giving me right now to educate me on the incongrous feeling I have as a result of a decision to put Him first.

I may not like it, but this is to expose me to the things I have to struggle with. And I reckon it is better than I know this now, than to go into the profession blind to all these things in future.

And never get me wrong. I may talk about being unfairly labelled by my editor here and all, but just as I told Ailing last week, despite the long hours and the massive frustration, I am really having a lot of fun and enjoying my stinct on the Sports Desk.

And if you do know me, this is as rare as finding snow in Singapore.

This is not to say that I thrive on the pain, but being able to come onto the sports desk is akin to living out my dream. It is something I have always talked about doing.

But most of all, I am grateful for the opportunity to write. To present the Truth in very subtle terms. Because in reality, the Truth is not always the "biggies" - it is usually the small things that add up.

When I am down, the memory of how I despaired over not doing well enough on the writing test and then agonising how I may have missed out on the interview because I missed the call when I was in Indonesia keep me going.

Quite simply, if it isn't for His intervention, I wouldn't be doing this internship now.

And like I said at the interview, experience is a priceless commodity that even money can't buy. I may be overworked and underpaid, but at least I get a taste of the real action.

And in the process, vindicate my desire to go into journalism upon graduation.