day thirty one

it was surreal watching the likes of hidetoshi nakata, shinji ono and junichi inamoto playing on the humble pitch that is our jalan besar stadium. everybody expected them to whip singapore. singapore pools were taking bets for a 5-0 mauling of the local boys. i hadn't expect them to put up such a good fight. but fight they did. in fact, i thought they defended better than those japs.

the korean refereee was totally incompetent. there were so many occasions that he waved play on and played the advantage, and after that, if the japanese loses possession, he would blow for a free-kick in favour of the japanese. he failed to protect the home side. his hesitation to blow the whistle was a sore point. there was this one occasion a japanese defender literally lifted and threw a local player down onto the turf, the referee blew for a free-kick -- in the japanese favour. i find it incredible that korean idiot did not award any penalties to the japanese.

when indra shadan scored the equaliser, i jumped and pumped my fist, nearly throwing my dinner up into the air in the process. such rekindled passion for the game -- so common when i was younger, in those malaysia cuy hey days. there's hope after all. now for the hard task -- to build on this performance. because it is not enough just to say it's a good try, it has to be excellent now.

as for the bloody essay for my university scholars programme, i stayed till like 3am on 2 consecutive nights to perfect it. and when i was submitting my application at nus today, i had this sinking feeling that my efforts would go down the drain. coz it occurred to me i do not have any singular talent that i have documented in terms of awards and records. ugh. all the effort for nothing.

and finally earlier today, national library at stamford road closed its doors for one last time. this is the one place i had sought refige from when i was a little kid. i remember running to the geography section in the old kids section and grabbing all the visit (name of country) books. i remembered i especially had an affinity with england and france. i loved the pictures. my family is not well-off enough to travel to such faraway places, reading these books and admiring those pictures is my way of living vicariously through them. i think my habit of reading lonely planet guides now is a progression of this habit i had as a child.

i remembered the wontan mee that came with each visit to the library when i was 5 years old. it was the most delicious wontan mee i ever ate. somehow the wontan mee stall at the coffee shop there now doesn't taste the same.

in fact, i am sad and angry that the building along stamford road had to go. i remember writing in to forum all those years ago, when there was a debate on the heritage value of the building. it's inane that this was even a question. 44 years of being a library. architecture that reeks of our colonial history. and more importantly, part of so many people's lives. on one hand they are talking about creating a renaissance city and on the other, u decide to demolish an integral part of so many singaporeans' lives just because some damn road needs to be widened. why can't smu use the building as part of their campus?

a house is not a home unless it brings memories for people. singapore is only home if relics from people's past stay. you certainly do not see the british government tearing the big ben down just because it is too prominent and thus make it an obvious target for terrorists do you? ok so maybe i exaggerate. but point here is -- if the government proceeds to tear things down in the name of development, then they have only themselves to blame for the number of quitters outnumbering the stayers.

goodbye stamford road library. goodbye childhood. goodbye home.