the day GOD rebuked me

i was just reading the mass emails i used to sent out to my inner circle in my pre-blog days. how my style of writing has changed as i have grown older. how my innocent can-do spirit has given way to a more cynical point of view. how the flip side of this cynicism is actually maturity dare i say it. if you get what i mean that is.

yesterday while doing backup vocals for worship at youth service, GOD rebuked me. i felt Him telling me not to be so showy during worship. to be still. to be real. to get my piorities right. that He sees the heart, not the outward actions. the outward actions that make people think i am 'holy molly' and all. it has been something that has been gnawing at my conscienciousness for the longest time now.

i dug deep yesterday and finally found the courage to confront my impure motivations. the desire to please man and not Him. i broke down. it was all too much. it was a gentle rebuke. it was no barage from Him, but it was enough. i felt so guilty.

here i am to worship, here i am to bow down, here i am to say that you are God.