HIS strength, not my own

yesterday night, my dad got home really late. he showed me the cheque that was his renumeration package and told me he has lost his job.

but he also told me not to do 'anything stupid'. like taking a loan from the bank to pay my way through university. not to work and study at the same time. not to sign on with MOE just because i need the cash to put myself through university despite not being very keen on it. that he had what it takes to put me through university comfortably.

but i smiled and told him, " daddy, would you believe me if i said that God will provide?"

he looked pretty stunned for a moment. all he muttered was -- "urm...ok..."

thursday evening at idc, i was just sharing about this. and how i was going to ask my dad to come for the alpha dinner later this evening. i thought it was a good chance for me to introduce my dad to God. when i got home, my dad agreed. and my mom is going to come along as well!

then the miracle, my dad got himself a job as well! at his first interview. he's starting next week. and the amount he's getting is about the same as his old job.

ailing yelled "WHAT?!" so loud i could hear my ear drums rattle. God went before me this time round, and i struggled to follow suit. if i had held back what i wanted to tell dad the night before. if i had just decided not to even try. i will never know.

to think i was just so, so down earlier this past week. i only got awoken from my self pity when i met my financial advisor on wednesday afternoon. where he prayed for me. and told me that maybe now it's time to stand up and be counted for God. i don't exactly know what we talked about that stirred me up and just made me snap out of my melancholy. but i did. kelvin says it's all part of the up's and down's in life.

but i think it has got to do with my focus. i think for the last week, my focus has not been on God. it has been on something else. on many other things. like feeling sorry for myself. like worrying about how on earth am i going to cope with so much work in the office. and stuff like that. it's amazing how God pulls me back. even though i may have fallen so short. so short of His grace and love.