wanted -- an afterthought from heartbeat camp '03

He opened yet another can of worms during youth camp. this time, it's about missions and evangelism. all throughout, one thing stuck out like a sore thumb for me. the fact that i only brought one person to church in all my twenty-one years on middle earth. think this piece of statistic really says a great deal about my attitude.

that all along, the fascade that i thought was God intending me to be a sender and not exactly a goer to the missions field was really all a lie that i was conjuring up in my subconscious. to convince myself that i was not 'that type'.

but seriously, all christians are called to fulfill the Great Commission. that even though i may be called to be a sender, but how do i really send people if i do not know what it's like out there? it's really such a simple fact that escaped me until now that is. i can't believe i was so blind to something so glaringly obvious. but then again, this is not exactly the first time. =)

then there is the small matter of lifestyle evangelism. to people around me. to take an interest in the people in my immediate surroundings. so many people came to mind. so many things that i should change about myself came to light. God has shown me my weaknesses over the last year or so, now it's time to combat them and harness my strengths. all those reasons why people abstain from missions and evangelism -- self-disqualification, not called to, not 'holy' enough. bells were ringing over time throughout the sermon and quiet time materials.

that seriously, what i need to do is just to share my testimony and be there to do the most mundane of things. the teams who went to laos, thailand and philippines all just went there for one thing -- to love the kids there. there is really no need to keep harping of what God has 'called me' to do. everyone is called to spread the good news. period.

that i had to love other people like i love myself. to be the same person everywhere i go. that of we proclaim Jesus to be God and Saviour, it is choosing to go on an eternal chase, an open invitation to pursue the ways of God. that christianity is not a mere set of legalistic rules and regulations, but a lifestyle we are actively seeking. and becaue we heard the good news, we cannot help speaking anout what we have seen and heard.

on a personal note, God told me to let go. let go of things that are far beyond my control. but things that i have already done something about. to the best of my ability.

my role in heartbeart. found myself on the forefront of my group. we won best cheer based on my lame arse choir rendition of a play on the word 'rugrats' -- our group name. and i won quote of the camp for what i told josco in jest -- "...when i was camp commandant 3 years ago, you were still sucking your mother's milk." thought that was taken out of context, and made me sound so arrogant. but then again, maybe i am too arrogant for my own good.

i realised that i am nearly 10 years older than the new people coming into heartbeat. then it hit me. only now i realised how people like ailing and siew lin must have felt. and the older i become, the more effort i have to put into getting to know these younger people. that if i am called to serve in the youth ministry, i have to stop seeing people through this veiled vision of mine, and to have a bigger heart for people. to be more real. to be more intentional in my mentoring of younger people. just like what people before me have done for me in a way or another. people like ailing, shawn and more recently daniel tham, kelvin and john. and other people like weikang, winston chin, beks and bothe pastors ian and daniel. kept me in prayer and gave me advice that i wouldn't have known if not for God intending to work through them.

and over the camp, the reason why He wants me to stay here was made clear once again. ultimately, i think He has a plan for everyone. and for me, i increasingly feel He wants me to hold the fort here at heartbeat while everyone is away. i mean my circumstances currently don't give me much of a choice. but then again, when God wills, he makes the decisions easier to make. and this time, i reckon He did what He did to spare me any more pain of going through the decision making process.

i went to camp not knowing what to expect other than the fact that camps have always been a time of reflecting and recollecting on the past year and setting the direction for the new year for me. God has done so much and more over the last few days. i may have broken down a couple of times, but i do know that it's more important i act upon what God has impressed upon me, and not allow these 'moments' go to 'waste'.

for indeed, at the end of the day, after each worship session, have you ever wondered whether God or you are happier after it all?

God Bless!