of conflicting interests and chronic fatigue

i am just so tired. i only finished work at 9pm today. and my migraine is still haunting me. it has been two weeks. yet the stoopid medic arranged only for a specialist appointment for me on july 7. wow. so soon huh? he is obviously one hell of an idiot. he definitely saw how bad my head is. he had to read my diagnosis before calling the hospital. and he had the cheek to tell me to go re-arrange myself if i wanted an earlier date. it was then i realised i took the medics back in OCS for granted. they were prompt and always friendly. quite unlike the arrogant aloof arsewipes in my new camp.

at work. i am torn between being a friend and a boss to people around me. guess i am just not ready to be someone's boss at work. public relations is so much compromise and so very tiring. you have to smile when you really ought to growl. you got to speak softly when you ought to snarl. pretence. that's why we were taught that in the elite military academy.

then my SAT 2's are due this saturday. i am so going to die. havent' studied for it at all. esp my maths. i paid so much for it somemore -- those books and test fees set me back a good 300 bucks. and all these for nothing. do not think i would be able to go to the states after all the blinded optimism. so much for blinded pride. shoudl i even bother to apply to america just so that i would be able to brag -- i could have if i had the money. pride. expensive pride.