i am only who u think i am. -- eminem

i have always relied on friends. it never occurred to me that i have relied too much on friends all my life. when i was younger i used to be so bothered by what people would think of me. i still am but in a lesser way now. my self-estemm was non-existent then. i have some idea of esteem in me now. but i never realised that i should rely on HIM more. my assurance more than anything else should come from HIM and HIM alone. it never dawn upon me until recently when i was assessing my options. i have always given and given to my friends. liz once noted that i always make friends that are bad for me. and as a result i always get hurt in the end. people do not recipocrate my brand of friendship. i value people for who they are. and i try to be as real. as genuine as i possibly can. but people dun bother. until much later. if they ever do at all.